Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Halloween

Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween. And now that I have cute little boys, especially now that Danger is totally getting into it, it's even funner! I love dressing up, and dressing the boys up.

I love the candy, eating it, trick or treating, and even handing it out.

I love the parties, the games, the food, the themes. I love Jack o lanterns and roasted pumpkin seeds. I love the smell of leaves. 

I do NOT love haunted houses. I used to enjoy them, depending on who I went with- you know, some people make it funny.

I don't like zombies at all. Ugh. I can't....I just totally can't even go there. My brain doesn't let anything go. I see something and it's in there FOR-EVER! And I'm imaginative. So my brain takes it and explodes it into all kinds of totally unrealistic, unreasonable, irrational crap. Ugh. Just ugh.

I LOVE my boys and how excited Danger is for Halloween, it took a bit to explain it to him, but oh man. Now it's all he talks about!

We've gone to a trunk or treating at a car dealership, it was a lot of fun. They played a bunch of games, there was a bounce house. Danger loved it.  

We carved pumpkins. We did not roast the seeds this year, I have too much going on, and I didn't want to mess with it. 

Our church put on a Halloween party and chili cookoff. I made a big batch of chili and I made some of the Blob Monster cream puffs. These cream puffs are technically pretty easy. And I rather enjoy making them. Danger "helped" by watching. He loves it. 

I'll try to get a picture of my boys dressed up. Danger is a knight. The Colonel is a dragon. I'm their Princess. 

Monday, October 27, 2014

Happiness

It's what we all seek. We want to be happy. We want to not be sad or feel like crap. I believe it is our natural deposition to be happy. I know that sounds weird, especially since there is so many of us who suffer from depression and anxiety. The world is a depressing place. But I also know that we were made to have joy. (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:25 "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.") 

Life isn't about suffering thru, it's about enjoying the journey. Yes, it's hard, but there is so much good. 

I love being a mom. But when I was little, it's not what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to create things, big buildings, cars. I wanted to design things, I wanted to be in charge. I did that for a little while, and then became a mom. We have been so blessed that Shark's job supports us and I can choose to not work outside the home.  

Being a mom is hard. It's mostly lots of good days, with random bad moments. Bad, frustrating, overwhelming, trying... How ever you want to say it. For the most part, I'm happy. I'm a happy mom who loves playing with her happy kids. But, there are times when it's really hard for the happy to shine thru all that frustration, thru the overwhelming feeling of it all. Sometimes, that overwhelming feeling lasts for days, and it ends up spilling over into other parts of my life. 

Being happy is something, that at some point in each of our lives, we have to really focus on being. I feel like I'm at that point now. I think The Colonel might have pulled the happy out of me when he was born. 

I still struggle with the emotions from the c-section and I can't seem to find the words to even try to explain it to Shark. I end up stammering every time I try to talk about it.

I've been struggling a bit this last week with something said over the internet. Now, I like the internet. I shop, and search, and answer the questions my in-laws have. It's how I keep tabs on my football team and how I keep in touch with my family in WI. I Facebook, instagram, blog, and Pinterest. I enjoy it. 

But I hate how some people have come to think their opinion is law. I've been down in the dumps this week because some people said some things that made me feel inferior, like my opinion was wrong. And I know, I can't control what people say, just how I feel. But it's hard to let those things roll off your shoulder. 

At church on Sunday, I was searching for peace, to have my heart softened and to let it go. (Elsa makes it seem so easy to do, but this momma has no ice castle.) And as soon as I sat down in class, it hit me. Be happy. 
Be happy. 

What does that even mean?! 

The thoughts and feelings continued to flow to my mind and heart. You can only make sure you, yourself, is happy. Then worry about making others happy. "Adjust your own mask before assisting others." 

I need to focus on my own happiness, and the happiness of others will follow. I'm not meaning focus on myself in a selfish way, because when I start to list off things that make me happy, it's all being and doing things with other people. 

But I also need to surround myself with people who are going to lift me up. And I think I do. Everyone I know, lifts me to be better. But I don't need to feel like crap. I shouldn't allow myself to feel like crap, or be treated like crap. 
Sometimes I feel like I go off on some wild tangent and there's no connecting thought to these posts.

I guess what I'm trying to say is :

Be happy. Don't let others into your life who make you feel like crap. Enjoy the journey that God has put you on, and know that it ends well. Your opinion matters, but it's not fact. There's gonna be a lot of crap in our lives, just scroll past it. Find what makes you happy and share it with the world. 

Yup. No connecting thought at all. 
I posted pictures of my boys, cuz they make me so happy, most of the time. 

Find your joy. 

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Potty training sucks

I absolutely hate it.

I mostly hate it because I have no control over it. None. I can try to convince him, try and to encourage him.

We have tried everything. Candy. Temporary tattoos. Cars. Money. Stickers. Games. Food.

No dice.

It works for a little while. But nothing seems to make it stick. The one thing that has worked the longest for us is bubble gum. When he pees, he gets a bubble gum. (Which I buy in a bag from the dollar store.)

Right now, we've got a potty road. After the 1st 10 pottys in the toilet, he gets a prize. Then it's 10, then 15, then 20, and 25. He gets a prize or something special. And every 5 he gets a temporary tattoo. (He LOVES showing off his tattoos.)

I made the potty road the day after he peed on my chair and then peed on the floor, within 15 minutes. I exploded on him and he got sent to bed.

I am sooooo frustrated with all of it. I have been working so hard at not getting angry. But it's hard. My anger bubble is near the surface, as they say. My initial gut reaction is anger and frustration. I think I've been getting better, but it's so so hard.

I got a new book, The Soft Spoken Parent by H. Wallace Goddard. (I love every single book of his.) On the first page it says :

" In fact, those of us who are most vulnerable to anger may be those who have stronger emotions of all kinds. We love more passionately, we live more joyously. That is a blessing. But it must needs be that there is an opposite in all things. Along with the gift of fire (enthusiasm, passion, gusto, zeal), we have the challenge of channeling, managing, and training our fire. "

That's the first page! Needless to say, I am super excited about this book.

We have also been listening to hymns during the day. It has been such a wonderful spirit in the house lately. It has helped me to laugh it off rather than yell.

No matter how we approach it, potty training still sucks. It's not fun. But we're trying to make it fun. We have working on it for so long, I'm just tired of the whole thing. He is so close, so I know I can't.

It's hard. I get frustrated. I'm kind of an angry person. I desperately do NOT want my boys to be angry people. I have a quote on my mirror : The boys are watching everything you do. Be who you want them to see.

I'm working on it. And he's working on it.

We'll let you know how it goes.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

We don't take naps

We recharge our little happy batteries.

So Danger hasn't taken naps in a while. Every now and then he'll take one. Well, he'll be turning 3 in 2 weeks, so he has been an absolute terror. I think he's thrown more tantrums and fits in the past month than he has his entire life.

Around 3, he usually has a meltdown down major fit. There is no reasoning with him. Yesterday I used "Everything is awesome" as a lullaby to calm him down.

Here's the convo, once the singing was done:

I don't think you're very happy right now.
- No I'm not.
I think you need to take a break and recharge your happy batteries.
- My happy batteries?
Yeah, they are what keep you happy. And I think yours are empty. You need to fill them back up.
- How do I fill them back up?
Well, you lay down and close you eyes. Resting recharges everyone's batteries.
- Resting? Like taking a nap?
Yes, exactly. So do you want to take a short nap to recharge your happy batteries?
- Yes please mom.

So he laid down and look a nap. When he woke up he said, "All charged and happy, mom!"

I think he gets it. Just sometimes I need to take a deep breath and talk it out to him. I'm not really sure if he understood, but he seemed to. And he was pretty happy when he woke up.

We had to do the same thing again today.

He's recharging his happy batteries right now. I said he needed a little nap to recharge them, he said, "No mom, a big nap, please" so we'll see when he wakes up/I wake him up.

Here's to having BOTH boys recharge their batteries at the same time. :)

Good morning Saturday

Just like everyone else on the planet, I'm afraid I'm a little addicted to my phone. I'm always browsing Facebook, surfing Pinterest, playing games.

But I'm also always snapping pictures, taking videos, posting photos, documenting my little boys and the things we do each day. (They absolutely LOVE to see themselves in photos and videos.)

I decided I need to take a break from Facebook for a bit.

There are so many other things I should be doing rather than be on Facebook. I should be cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, playing with the boys, exercising, making some of my craft orders. The list goes on and on.

I have been feeling super stressed lately. Not stressed about any one thing in particular, more like everything in general. We've been potty training Danger, beyond stressful because he gets it, but uses it as a weapon to get out of doing things mom asked him to do. The Colonel started crawling, way stressful cuz now I have to really make sure all the stupid little toys are off the floor.

I feel this need to keep up with everyone. I know, its completely self-imposed. It is my family, my life, my house, my kids and what we do is what we do. There's not even a scale to compare ourselves with others. WHY DO WE KEEP THINKING THERE IS?!? Seriously. I wish I could take a break from that, cuz that's what I really need.

I feel like I have been struggling so much lately. Struggling mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Mentally, there are things I want to do and I know I should do them but I can't seem to make myself do them. Also, my brain has been having really dumb thoughts, that don't even make sense honestly, thoughts that completely contradict reality and what I know. But for some reason, I can't shake these thoughts. Physically, I desperately want to lose this baby weight. I know what I have to do, it's just getting up and doing it. Emotionally, I've been angry lately. At everything. I hate being angry. I shouldn't be angry or sad. I have an amazing life. I should be happy, but I can't seem to be happy. Spiritually, I feel a disconnect. It breaks my heart, I love my faith, I see the effects of my faith in my life and I am thankful for them. But I feel disconnected in some ways. It could be the lack of belonging. I'm not even sure.

I know, I know. Life is what you give, what you put in. But it's hard. I'm trying to take small steps. I've already talked to Shark about all of this.

We've been listening to hymns during the day. I even bought some CDs to listen in the car. I still yell at other cars, but not as much. And I haven't been yelling at Danger lately. Well, as much. I've been burst out laughing a few times. It's been refreshing to laugh and giggle rather than holler at him. He ends up laughing too. Which makes it so much better when no one is crying.

Anyways, I guess it's just been hard lately. I know I'm not the only one to feel it. I'm not looking for anything from this blog, besides a place to write it all down. Maybe I just want to prove that our life isn't just smiles and giggles, that we're just people too.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Hello goodbye

Hello there. I've had a revelation : if I spent the time writing on my blog instead of on Facebook, I'd have a post a day, Heck, I'd have a post an hour!

The boys have been way cute lately. 

Danger loves digging is his pile of dirt/sand/clay and mom has had to implement a ruling is inside toys and outside toys. 
The Colonel turned 6 months and absolutely loves food. He likes pickles, and I even had the camera ready for the initial "sour pucker" but he didn't even flinch, just dove right in. Momma's boy!
Some days I'm.greeted with this. 
But then it immediately melts into this. :)
We're potty training still, so most days Danger is just rocking the undies. If he wants to go outside he needs shoes (we've lost soo many socks) and he can put his boots on by himself so it's really a win-win. Those are his muscles he's showing you, by the way. 
Shark was in charge while I had an appointment and I walked in the door to find this trapped smiley thing. 
We had our first duo bath. Lots of splashing, smiles, and peeing in the tub. (That is NOT why the water is green!)
Donut day!
So many donuts!
Everytime we drive by the Ogden Temple, Danger says, "look mom, it's my favorite temple!"

So even tho things have been crazy, I've been trying some new things out. Cuz you know, the best time to try something new is when you're life is chaos. The boys and I have been listening to hymns everyday. It's been pretty calm around the house lately, well, compared to normal. 

That being said, Danger had a meltdown today and the only thing that would calm him was me singing "Everything is awesome." Go Lego song. It worked. And to add more smile to my day, I made "Where are my pants?" My notification sound. Cuz me and Danger have the sense of humor of a 3 year old boy. We giggle uncontrollably. Every. Time. 

Smile. Everything is awesome. 

Sunday, September 21, 2014

This week according to my phone...

This week has been crazy. I feel like it has been nonstop going moving and doing.

We all got The Cold. The boys, including Shark, and then a week later momma got it. 
Our neighbor girls like to come over and play. I made a blanket fort for them and packed a little picnic snack. 
The little silly boy loves to chew on his binky backwards. He's such a little goof. He has been working on his hand coordination, it's been fun. 
We went to The Adventure Park and Danger loved it. It was such a cool park. 
We went up to the mountain to look at the stars. Danger looked up at them and said in awe, "Look, so beautiful!"
Momma gave Colonel some rice cereal. He loved it. And then went on to save the world. Both boys have looked soooo serious when they play with this!
Danger was good when we went searching for white handkerchiefs so momma rewarded him with some arcades rides. 
I had to do some crafting in my craft room so I laid Colonel down on the guest bed. I came back to find him asleep like this. This is often how I find Shark when I take him shopping with me. :)
Alright, I figured after 27 years, 2 open heart surgeries, a pacemaker and multiple atrial flutter episodes I should probably have a medical alert bracelet. So I searched the multiple websites of bracelets and necklaces and finally settled on this one. It was the cutest one I could find that would match everything I wear AND was pretty cheap. I put my heart diagnosis and pacemaker info on the back. There are so many types of CHD, I feel better knowing everyone will be able to know my specific defect, in case of emergency. 
I played volleyball with some people at church. The pictures of my hand NEVER did the bruise justice. Seriously. It looked so much worse thanks this. It hurt but playing was so good. 
We've been running so many errands lately that the boys often fall asleep in the car. 
My little one has been discovering his hands and just this week he has discovered his lips. We were walking thru Joann's and I caught him doing this. Such a silly cute thing.