Monday, April 7, 2014


had a baby!

Yeah. I totally did. 

I had THIS baby :
This out littlest man : Karson. His initials are KFC, so his nickname is The Colonel. (This is going to be the only time I'll use his name, just like the rest of us.)

He has been such a miracle to have in our little family. We love him so much.
Would you like to have story time? Alright. 

Tuesday evening (the 25th) I was having contractions. I had had contractions all day, had even timed them, some were 8 minutes apart some were 5. I had woken up the night before because the contractions were so painful. With Danger, I was induced, I had no idea what labor pains really felt like. I didn't know if what I was feeling was normal or not. So, at the request of my mother, I went into the doctor to see if everything was ok. I wasn't worried or anything, I figured : if I'm in labor, than I'll be glad I came in, if I'm not, than they will tell when to come back. 

Well, I went in around 7, I was at a 4. They kept me for an hour, moms progress at about a centimeter an hour. The nurse came back about an hour later and I had progressed but they wanted to keep me another hour just to be sure. Around 9, she came back and said she had talked to the OB on call and she had decided to keep me and have the baby that night. So I called Shark, told him to take Danger to grandma's and come over to the hospital. 

*Now, I do need to put a note in here about Danger. The week before this, Danger had a blazing fever, and had thrown up a few times, not consecutive, and he did keep liquids down and some food, it was kind of random when he'd throw up. So, little man was NOT feeling good at all. His fever did break about 30 minutes before I called Shark to come to the hospital, so we were relived to take him to grandma's and weren't worried. 

Shark got to the hospital around 10, my contractions were still going strong. I waited for Shark to get there to get my epidural, I'm glad I did cuz it was a rough one. I needed to hold his hand during it. The contractions weren't too bad at this point, but my OB suggested I get the epidural early, rather than later. Once that started kicking in, the OB started to make a plan. She had tried to figure out how to keep an eye in my pacemaker. (It ended up not even being an issue about my heart.)

Around 11, I had progressed to a 7, and the OB broke my water. The OB explained her plan to us : she wanted this labor to be not very laborious, she wanted the least amount of stress possible, she didn't want me to push hardly at all, just wanted baby to come with contractions. It sounded like a wonderful plan. 

Once my water was broken, the contractions started coming sooner and sooner. Around 12, it was noticed, after a while, that when I contracted, baby's heart rate dropped. And it dropped considerably, almost to a scary rate. My contractions were coming so close together that baby didn't have time to recover. The nurses had started to change my positions, trying to get baby's heart rate to respond. The OB started going over plan B. They handed Shark a gown, mask, cap and booties. They would continue to move me around, but we would be going into an OR, just in case I needed the c-section. 

At this point, it was around 12:25, and they wheeled me into the OR and just prepped for the c-section. I have had plenty of incision surgeries, I've got my share of scars, my share of stitches, but I have never been awake for any of them. I NEVER ever want to be awake for another surgery, EVER ever again. I would not wish that on anyone, not even if I had a worst enemy. It wasn't really painful, but it sure as heck was not pleasant. I don't really know how to explain it, pressure I guess. Lots of pressure, lots of uncomfortable pressure. LOTS. 

Our little Colonel was brought into the world at 12:33am, he weighed 5lbs 10oz and was 19 inches long. 

He is amazing and healthy and beautiful. We could not be more happy and feel more blessed. We are so in love with our little Colonel. Danger is so in love with his baby brother. He runs to help him when he cries, he brings me binkies and blankets and burp cloths and diapers. 

Because of the c-section, we were in the hospital for about 4 days. And because Danger had a fever, he wasn't able to come to the hospital to see his new brother or his momma momma!! I had called the pediatric office that first day I was there and asked about Danger's fever, and I made an appointment for the next day. And Shark took him in. Apparently, Danger had had the flu, but now had an ear infection, which is not contagious, but his fever needed to be gone for a whole day before he could come see us. 

His fever didn't return that night or the next day. So Friday, I got to hug all my boys!!! It was wonderful! 
I love these boys! They have my heart and I am the happiest girl in the world. Oh how I love them!!

Danger has been such a champ the past few weeks. Here's what's he's gone thru :
Fever, Flu, Ear infection, New brother and  4 new molars

I did not know he had gotten his molars until I looked yesterday. When did that happen?! Oh, hmmm, it was probably part of what caused his fever.... He is my little champ, my tough guy. 

I love my boys!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Little voice

Danger has become a little parrot. He has started repeating things from shows. Dora keeps asking him to say BACKPACK. I think it's cute when he answers their questions, and "helps" them in their adventures. Dora, Diego, Word World, Super Why. He loves these shows, and he has started answering them just recently, and he usually answers correctly. I love it. 

However, Shark and I were watching Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters last night, it had adventure, and swords, and it wasn't a bad movie for Danger to watch, he actually sat thru most of it. But one thing you notice, as your kids start to taklk, is how much name calling there is in shows and movies. Percy was fighting a metal bull, and called "Hey, rust bucket!" to get it's attention. Danger walked around the rest of the night calling Bandit a "rust bucket." Yes, it's cute. But at the same time, it makes me think about everything we do with Danger. 

A lot of recent movies has a lot of name calling. In Cars, a truck calls Lighning a moron, Lightning hollers in frustration that he's in "hillbilly hell." That's the movie we're glued to lately. I know, Danger will learn worse words from others and in school and stuff, but it just reminds me how much he sees and he much he repeats. While on our Train Day, Shark had his rock candy in his mouth, not holding it with his hand, and Danger looked up and immediately put his in his mouth and let go with his hand. He sees everything Shark and I do, and he acts on it quite a bit. Anytime Shark is in the garage, Danger goes and grabs his own set of tools and runs to help. Anytime I'm sewing, he runs up to watch what I'm doing, to watch tp the moving parts. 

He's like a little sponge. He soaks EVERYTHING up. I can only hope to give him plenty of good things to soak up. To make sure he's not filling that smart little brain with junk. All I can do is try my best. This little boy is so full of life and curiosity. He loves trying to figure everything out. We have to watch him extra careful when he's into something new. When he's got his tongue sticking out, that means he's got the gears turning. We discovered Shark has to be even MORE careful about where he leaves his pocket knives, Danger knows how and it strong enough to open them. Neither of us expected him to be strong enough to open them. Shark keeps them up, but Danger is getting so tall, he can now reach UP, where things were usually out of reach. No longer out of reach. 

I'm getting very excited to add another little voice to my little family. Another little curious mind. Another little smiley face. Another little mancub. Maybe this one will even be snuggly. I've got 18 days to go! 

Monday, March 10, 2014

Train Day

So this week is Spring Break for Shark. He didn't have any classes to go to. We got to hang out with him all week. (And by all week, I mean Monday and Tuesday.) Well, Danger has fallen in LOVE with trains lately. Anytime we hear one, he puts his hand up to his ear and exclaims, "Hear trains, momma!" It's pretty cute. He gets just as excited to see motorcycles, helicopters, and airplanes. But I can take him to see some trains. I have wanted to take him on the Frontrunner for a while now. He's free to ride it, and Shark has a transit pass, so it would just cost $6 for an all-day ride pass for me. Not too shabby to watch that little boy's eyes light up at the trains!

Last week, I told Shark of my plan to take Danger on the train on Tuesday. I thought he had class. He told me didn't, and asked, why not take the train on Monday. So after my ultrasound on Monday

(baby boy is doing great, he's weighing an estimated 5lbs 7oz right now, he's head down, and has been for months, just tossing and turning, kicking and punching.) Shark and I snagged some lunch and headed to the train station. Danger was SOOOO excited to watch the train pull up to the station, so excited to see the other engines there. He skipped the whole way to the train.

The train has a double decker car, so we went up to the top deck and got a seat with a table. We were done with our lunch before the train even pulled away from the station. But that meant Danger could focus on the train going down the track. He loved it. At a few crossings, our train blew its horn, and Danger put his hand up to his ear, and looked up at me, with sheer joy on his face, "Hear trains, momma!!!" He then looked at Shark and told him the same thing.

Riding the train down to Salt Lake was a lot of fun, he was bouncing up and down in his seat. He loved looking out the window and looking at everything. There was an old set of tracks from the parking lot to the platform, and Shark found an old railroad spike, he picked it up and Danger played with it the rest of the trip. He'd hammer it against the rails and just listen to it resonate. It was so much fun to watch him try to figure out how and why that sound was made. Once we got to the Salt Lake station, we hopped on the Trax and Danger was ecstatic to get on, yet another train! It was different, but he loved it all the same. We went to the planetarium. It wasn't very far, but he enjoyed the ride, and we enjoyed watching his face light up.

We didn't spend a lot of time at the planetarium, we didn't go to a show, we just walked around the exhibits and watched the marbles bounce around. My little man was getting tired and cranky. So it was a very well-timed trip, we didn't stay too long, we didn't try to do too much.

He was so excited to get back on the Trax, he giggled and laughed. So happy! We waited at the station for a while for our train to arrive, but it was totally worth it to see that little boy jump up and down as the train pulled up to the station. For me, going to the planetarium is lots of fun, but there is a tradition Shark and I have, we always get rock candy. And it just so happened, they had a 3 pack of rock candy. Now, these rock candy are on the cheap side, they just dip the rock candy in food color after it's made, so Shark's teeth were green, Danger was red all over (it looked like blood, it was such a bad idea!!) and I had pink, probably, everywhere. Danger did have a melt down when I took his rock candy and put it back in the bag. We eventually got him distracted with the other trains we passed. We counted the train cars. He's been stuck on the numbers 18, 19, 20 lately. He'll say 2, 3, 4, but his go-to is 18, 19, 20. So when we got up to 17, I asked him what came next, and he belted out 18! 19! 20!!

Once we got home, the boys took a nap. I think Danger's Train Day was a huge success. It was good to give him a day with just us. We did things he wanted to do, we played with him, and let him go where he wanted, we just followed him. I think every month we can plan a Danger Day, where mom and dad just hang with him all day, just him. And once the Colonel gets bigger, we'll give him a day too, a day with just us.

I feel bad it's taken me so long to start spending good, fun time with Danger. I know he thinks every day is fun, but we never really went anywhere before. It means a lot that he enjoys spending time with me, and smiles as much as he does around me. I love being his mom and am so grateful for the blessing of him in my life. I adore him.

Friday, February 28, 2014

I ignore sizes

I ignore sizes. (Not just small, medium, or large fries either!)

I've discovered during this pregnancy, that sizes are only relative to the brand. I shopped at Ross for quite a few cute maternity tops. Yeah, Ross has name brands, but they also have off brands, like WAY off brands. You know, the ones from China, where everyone is the same size, so S M L XL just means how long it is, the L is about an inch or two shorter than the XL. I had to not take it personal when the XL fit so good and I'm usually a good M fit. 

I'm bigger with this pregnancy than I was with the first, however, I lost weight the entire 1st trimester, and didn't start gaining until a while into my 2nd. (Not throwing up, just nauseous and most often, I just wasn't hungry.) So, in all honesty, I'm just now passing my "weigh-in" weight for our Biggest Loser Challenge last summer. I'm not bragging, I was pretty worried that 1st trimester. 

Anyways, sizes don't mean jack squat. Even shirts hanging right next to each other on the rack, have different size scales. I've started to hate going shopping for this reason. Don't get me started on pants. Women's pant sizes suck. Guys pants are so easy, waist and inseam! That's it! Come on ladies, let's get our junk together and make this simple. (I've heard rumor that the companies TRIED it this way but decided to makes sizes so women didn't feel self-conscience about saying their waist size. Whatever.) All I know, is the waist x inseam sizing would fix so many problems. "When will jeans companies figure out a thick waist doesn't always go with long legs?!?" I've read that so many times on forums. Just saying. 

Anyways, so I've started just grabbing 3 different sizes of the same pair of pants and trying them on. Or if I find a fit I like, like Levi's, there's a cut I specifically like, I look for that cut anywhere I go, and buy that one. I go up and down in sizes, but I try to accommodate for The Dryer. Same with shirts. If I find a shirt I LOVE, that fits great, if it's cotton, I snag the next size up (regardless of it being an XL instead of an L.) I hate that clothes shrink, but I have so much going on, I don't want to pull certain clothes out to hang dry them, that's so annoying. Ok, I'm lazy is what it is.  

Baby clothes. You'd think, if anybody had their junk together, it'd be the baby clothes market. NOPE! A NB onesie with Carter's is NOT a NB with Gerber. I got some NB onesies from Target for Danger, they didn't fit him until he was 3 months. (Ok, Danger was a small fry, BUT when sizing his clothes, I would hold them up to what fit him, and these NB onesies were freaking huge!) Most baby clothes have started putting weights on there, just like diapers, NB is 5-8 lbs, and 0-3 is 6-10 lbs, and so on. That's a bit easier. I know the size of the child is specific on the child, but most clothes in that "age size" should fit them right? (Now, I'm not going off of sizes of babies who are born weighing 10 lbs vs 5 lbs, I'm going just off of the sizes of the clothes in regards to other clothes that say they are the same size but obviously are NOT.) 

So this pregnancy, I've started ignoring sizes completely. I hold clothes up to me, sure that could fit, I go try them on, if they fit-awesome, if not-go get the next one. And when figuring out which clothes fit Danger, I put them on him. If it's small, I toss it down to the nursery for storage. If it's too big, I just roll up the sleeves, or I go out it back in storage for later. I have the baby clothes organized by visual size, not label size, meaning, I went thru each piece of clothing and held it up to the smallest thing I had and put it in a pile in relation to the smallest item. Yes, long and tedious, but now my kid will be able to wear things that fit. Shark's clothes, hmmm, his clothes are easy. He knows what fits him, and he wears it, if it doesn't fit, he'll wear it anyway until I say something and take it. Shark's got it easy. 

I've stopped tearing myself apart when it comes to sizes. I was a 00 in high school. I was so proud of being a 00, and when I started going up, 1, 3, 5, I kinda started to worry and think something was wrong. Nothing was wrong, I was just growing up. Now, I love food too much to try anything drastic about it. When Shark and I were dating, I took a look around, NO one in real life is still a 00 at age 24. Seriously. I think we all stop desperately trying to impress people (**COUGH** boys **COUGH**) and decide to be real people. In my mind, I haven't gotten bigger, I'm still the same size I was when I was younger (ok, maybe not RIGHT this very second I'm not!) We, as a society, as women, have to stop beating ourselves up over clothing sizes. It doesn't mean a darn thing if you buy a M or an XL. Your kids don't care, your husband doesn't care, why is it such a big deal? Now, one thing I'm planning, after this baby, is getting into shape. I want to be healthy, and right now, I am so not healthy, I am so not in good shape. My heart health demands me being in good shape and I've ignored it for so long, this is the year I get it all under control. Not just for me, but also for my family. I already feel limited of time, I will do everything in my power to extend my time. I believe in being healthy, but I also believe in being comfortable with who you are. You have to love the skin you're in, do things for YOU, not for someone else. Someone else won't appreciate everything you're going thru to look the way you look, YOU are the only one who sees everything you do. Anyways, be happy, any way you can, whatever you have to do, you have to be happy. 

Now, I can focus on sharing that L shake with my son. :)

Sunday, February 23, 2014


So a few weeks ago I went thru my panic week. You know, that week when suddenly you realize "oh my gosh, I'm pregnant and pretty soon I won't be!" And you start thinking about everything you still have to do and buy. When you start a mental list of how unprepared you are for this baby. Whether it's your 1st or 5th, I've heard you go thru this week. It depends on the mom, if it lasts a week or longer. 

I had a panic week at 32 weeks. Here are my reasons for panic :

-I went in to talk to my OB and I was asking her about being induced and meeting a pacemaker team and a cardio team, just to be ready. Well, she seemed to dodge all my questions and never really gave me a strait answer. She just kept saying that she couldn't talk about induction with me until I was 36 weeks, and even then, they could only schedule it for after I was 39 weeks. Well, that sent me it's to a panic cuz I went into labor with Danger at 38 weeks. 

-I don't have a a regular cycle. I have no idea when I ovulate. My last cycle was December of 2012. If we got pregnant back then, I would have had this kid in October. Well, we have kind of have NO idea when we got pregnant with this bean. The doctors did an ultrasound at 8 weeks, well, they did an ultrasound early and measured his femur, and he measured at 8 weeks. I feel like I'm playing football : the refs just placed the ball in some spot that, eh, looks sorta right. And now, when it really matters, they pull out the chains to measure everything precisely. I feel like the doctors guessed at how far along I was and now they are measuring everything so precise and won't deviate. Anyways, I had a doctor explain to me that  when they do an early ultrasound and measure baby at 8 weeks and take the due date front that measurement, it is the 2nd most accurate way to find the due date. No one had ever told me that before. 

-With my new hardware (pacemaker) I'm a little jittery about going into labor. I know things can go wrong during labor without added complications, but I have a TON of added complications. And the new pacemaker just adds to the list. It's just one more thing that could go wrong. So I wanted to talk to a cardiologist up at this hospital. So when I go into labor, at least someone there knows about my heart condition, rather than me walking in there and the doctors just look at me like, Um, we have no idea what to do with you... So I'm glad I talked to a new cardio. In fact, I'm planning on switching my pacemaker services up here, closer to me. I'll still go to The U for my heart but my pacemaker stuff will happen up here. 

-Shark works nights and I freaked out about all kinds of possibilities of him not being there when I go into labor. What if he's not there, who will take Danger? How will I get to the hospital? So we talked. Technically, he won't be there IF I go into labor after 4:30 pm on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or every other Saturday. He'll be there the rest of the time. And his brother is the closest (geographically) relative we have. And, if I go into labor after 4:30, his brother will be available and off work. So, we've talked to him, and he's agreed to be my person to call. Now I just have to pack The Bag. 

-I've just had basic panic and anxiety about having a 2nd child. I think I'm a pretty good mom to Danger, to one child, but am I going to be a good mom when I have two? How am I going to handle having 2? What if it's way harder than I thought? What if I'm really not ready? What if I lose what very little amount of control I have? What if everything just goes south and I end being a terrible mother? What if my anger doubles with this next child and erupts and I can't control it? What if everything just mountains up and I can't take care of my house or my kids? And then, all these little fears have kinda melted away. I've been working on self esteem, self motivation. I'm a good mom to Danger. He loves me, he knows I love him, he's polite, he's learning about his world. I'm teaching him things about the world around him, and he's enjoying learning about it all, and discovering. I'm a good mom, who is trying her best. I come up short on a lot of things. Dinner isn't always cooked, the laundry is rarely done completely, my house is usually a mess, but I love my family and they know it. I keep trying, and they know I'm trying. It's all we can do, keep trying and doing our best. We're not asked to be perfect, just endure to the end. 

So yes, I've been panicked. But little by little these fears have subsided. There will always be worries in my mind, but I just have to take them one day at a time. 

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Craft day

So today was my epic craft day. And it was so epic!!! It was so much fun! I have never had ANYTHING ever come together this easy. (Now, I did miscalculate the vinyl in my stash and had to go buy and cut vinyl this morning.) It really did just flow together. And it coming together so smoothly is another indicator that I was inspired to gather the girls and make things. 

It was such a good day! I was over confident and said I'd be there at 9am. HA! I ran out of vinyl at around midnight, and the craft store opened at 9, so I had to go buy vinyl and hurry home and cut it. So I pulled in around 10:30am. But from then on, the day went great!

Ok so I forgot the frames at home, and the envelopes, but if ran home and got them real quick. 

Shark got home from work around 8, and he went over to where we were going to be, and set up tables and chairs, and got it all ready for us. Then Danger and I went over and started making things. My husband is a champ. He is such a hard worker and I am so grateful for him. He is such a blessing. I love this man and he is such a support to me. He is always there for me and always willing to help me with whatever I need. He is such a wonderful man. I love him so much and I am so grateful for him. I would be lost without him. Thank you Shark, you are everything to me!

The girls had fun, I had fun, it was so much fun! I love making things, and I love sharing my talents and skills with others. I love connecting with others. I didn't make any specific craft, but I helped everyone out. I enjoyed being able to help everyone and do a bit of everything. I enjoyed just talking with all the girls and hanging out. 

It was so much fun putting this together. Picking crafts to do that were worthwhile, easy to do, and budget friendly. I think I did a good job on picking crafts. When picking projects to do, I consulted with my husband, he would be the one cutting the wood and assembling things. He looked at them and told me if they were doable and easy. I love the projects that I picked. They were so fun. The girls had fun. I cannot wait to do another craft day. 

Yes, you read that right. I cannot wait to plan another craft day. 

It won't be for a while, maybe September. I'm gonna have a baby and fall off the face of the earth within the next 5 weeks. But I'm excited to start thinking about new crafts to make. 

I've got a lot to do in the next few weeks, and thinking about crafts isn't really one of them. I really have to clean my house before this new baby comes home. I need to start organizing everything, meaning I need to put things back where they belong. That will be my goal for the next week. 

Anyways, I loved doing this and I am so happy everything worked out and came together. I have been so excited the past few weeks and have been smiling the entire time. It really did come together so smooth. It really is awesome. Today was such a wonderful day. 

Thank you to all who made it wonderful. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for supporting me. I love you all. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

Bedtime runaround

So today started out crazy. Shark came home to sleep and then went to school. Danger and I left the same time he did. I took Danger to my SIL's while I went to a doctor appointment. (I've taken Danger before but he freaks out at the doctors, not at his doctor, just at mine.) All's well on the cardio side of things. Anyways, Danger was too busy to eat anything at her house, or to slow down by the sounds of it. And he didn't nap there either. But as soon as I picked him up, his eyelids started to droop. He made it to our street before zonking out. Well, that meant he had a late nap. Which is usually ok, I try to wake him up after too long, so he sleeps at night. Well, in my process of waking him and going to a store, I totally spaced feeding him dinner, or me dinner for that matter. I had given him some oranges and some crackers, but that's what he usually snacks on during the day. 

He got into pj's just fine, he even out his clothes in the hamper. He went down tp bed great, the first time. And then he got out of bed every 10 minutes until 10 pm. Around 10 I didn't hear anything, I figured he'd finally settled down, so I jumped in the shower. Nope. He came down halfway thru and knocked on the door. I shouted thru the door that he needed to go back up to bed right now. I heard sobbing and his reluctant steps going back upstairs. When I was done In the shower, I went up to tuck him in again and talk to him. I sang him his little song and then asked him what he needed. It sounded like he replied with "toast" and then it hit me. I hadn't fed him more than crackers since breakfast! Oh no!

So we went upstairs, I was getting his snack for him and he handed me his cup. I told him to sit down and be patient, I wasn't very nice about it, I'm kind of a grump lately, and he walked away mumbling something like "blue." And then he came back into the kitchen holding the balloon Shark got me for Valentines Day. He handed it to me and said, "Here, mom, balloon." I took the balloon and wrapped my little man in a hug. He noticed my anger, frustration, whatever and brought me the balloon. He drives me crazy but I adore his little tender spirit. Sometimes, when I'm frustrated, he'll come give me a hug, or pat me on the back. I love him. 
I got him a snack, and made sure he had eaten quite a bit before putting him back in bed. While he was eating, I looked at him. Lately, I've been noticing how much he looks like my older brother at his age. It really is spooky. But tonight, while his mind was somewhere else, while he was stacking his hot dogs back together, he didn't look like my side, he looked like his dad. That determined thoughtful look, like he's got something to fix but in order to fix it, he has to create a whole new part. That look is totally his dad. His face was more square today than I've seen it in a while, since he turned 1, his face has slimmed down quite a bit, I think cuz he keeps getting taller. But he's been stretching more. Tonight he was his dad. I would love to know what he's thinking, just part of the time. Once he was done with his hot dogs, he noticed me looking at him and flashed me his crinkle-eyed cheesy grin, the one that shows his little gap teeth. Then he gave me a thumbs up and said Thank you, mom, I love you. I've been really pushing I love Yous lately, I want him to say it all the time. 

We went upstairs and I tucked him in for the last time. It stuck. A full belly was all he needed. He didn't fuss about being hungry, he never would have told me if I hadn't asked him. He wasn't crying or anything, I guess he was just uncomfortable is all. He just couldn't get to sleep. Every time he came downstairs, he asked to read a story or to play. I always picked up the story he'd brought and I read it to him. He never showed any signs of discomfort, aside from being out of bed. I love my little fighting guy. What a champ. He is always so sweet, even when ignoring me. I love seeing new and different sides of him. He's turning into such a fun little boy. I love him so much. I always want him to know that.