Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Birthday boy

Happy happy birthday Danger dear.
Happy days will come to you all year.
If I had a wish then it would be,
A happy happy birthday to you from me.

It started with a balloon avalanche. 
He enjoyed it. 
He decided he wanted a Lego birthday party. I made a Lego cake for him. 
Lego Party complete with giant sausages and croissants. 
I got some birthday kisses from him on his birthday!
Party number 2 with grandparents. More cake and more fun!
Danger getting silly with a gift from grandpa. 
Even this cutie enjoyed the day, even tho he didn't get any cake. 
Daddy playing trains with the boys. Colonel just attacked the trains. Danger had fun keeping him away. :)

I can't believe my little man is 3. The little human that made me a mom, is 3! It has been so crazy to think about. Especially when sometimes it still shocks me and catches me off guard : I'M A MOM! And now I have a 3 year old. He is so big and strong and so into and aware of everything. 

I love my sweet little boy. I am so grateful for him. So grateful to be his mom. 

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Toddlers are liars

We'll ask Danger a question, to which he will quickly respond "No" then, once he's thought about the question, he'll give his real answer.

Like when I ask him if he has to go potty. 
NO!
then 10 seconds later :
YES!
Do you need help?
NO?
Wait mom! I'm stuck! HELP!
Show me your muscles, please?
NO! 
Here's my muscles, and my bad guy face. 

Are you hungry?
NO!
Can I have spaghetti-os? 

Do you want to go with me?
NO!
Wait mom, wait for me! 
I have learned not to trust this little lair pants. 

On most things. 

But there are moments when I do trust him, and it's worth it. 

I love him. But I can't wait to see his tell, and read his poker face. 

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

So thankful

I've done the month long Thankful series posts on Facebook before, and this year I even thought of doing a series on Instagram, for like a second. But I figured, if I do a blog post, add to it each day and post it at the end, that'd be best.

Better for me to catch up when I miss a day. And, trust me, it happens. (In truth, I'm starting this on the 5th!)

Here goes :

Nov 1 : my husband. He's my best friend, my partner in crime, my rock, and my everything. He does so much for me, for our little family. I am so blessed to have him in my life, so blessed to be married to him. 

Nov 2 : my home. I look around and see a mess of toys and stuff. But I am so grateful for the walls I have to raise my boys in. The walls that keep my little family warm and safe.

Nov 3 : my marriage. I am so grateful to have my companion, so grateful for our eternal perspective on this relationship. I am so grateful to have him, to have found him. I love my marriage. I cherish my marriage and relationship so much. I love him. 

Nov 4 : The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I love this gospel and all the peace it brings. What glorious promises and blessings are in store! The people are not perfect, but the gospel is.

Nov 5 : The Atonement of my Savior. It took me a while to feel like I could be forgiven. Why on earth would He forgive me?! Look what I've done, there's no way. But His atoning sacrifice is for EVERYONE! I see how blessed my life is because I have lived both sides of the spectrum.

Nov 6 : little successes. Things have been hard lately, but when we have those little successes, it makes everything seems more attainable, more doable. Look out world.

Nov 7 : The family I grew up in. Today is my younger brother's birthday. He's 17! Holy crap. I am so blessed to have my family. I love them.

Nov 8 : my little Colonel. Good heavens, you sure did give us a scare, but we are so blessed that everything worked out and you're happy and healthy and so gosh darn strong!

Nov 9 : my Danger. You turn 3 today! What that?! How did that happen?? I am so grateful for you, every day I am. I love you. You have blessed our lives so wonderfully.

Nov 10 : I'm a mother. I love being a mom. It has changed my whole world. I am so so grateful to my miracle babies, so grateful to have been blessed with them.

Nov 11 : the soldiers. All I can ever say, is Thank you. And it will never be  enough. Never will those words capture just how grateful and thankful I am. Thankful that I can raise my boys in a home that is mine, surrounded by stuff that is mine, with the beliefs and feelings that are mine, married to the man of my choosing in the place of my choosing. Thank you for all of the comforts and blessings my family enjoys. Thank you for the opportunities we have, the rights that we have. Thank you. Just plain and simple, but honestly, not enough, THANK YOU dear soldiers. Thank you to the ones who have served, are serving, and will choose to serve. Thank you.

Nov 12 : our vehicles. We are truly blessed to have our cars. I'm so grateful that Shark has a car to drive to work, that I have a grocery getter, and that he has an adventure truck. I know how fortunate we are to have our cars. 

Nov 13 : modern medicine. Without it, I would really not be here. And even if I was, I know my miracle boys would not be. I see how far the medical world has come in 20 years and look forward to seeing what's in store in the next 20. 

Nov 14 : my husband's job. His job kind of is awful, cuz it's so far away but his job really is a blessing and I am so thankful for all his job does for us.

Nov 15 : staying home. I'm grateful for the opportunity to stay home with my rugrats. It's hard, but I am so very happy to be with them. I am so blessed.

Nov 16 : modern travel. How awesome is it that we can travel thousands of miles in a matter of hours?! Seriously! My family is in WI and we're in UT, we can fly to them in 3 hours. Or drive in 24. It sure beats MONTHS.

Nov 17 : all the ideas I can search thru on pinterest. I know that sounds stupid, but I find so much stuff on there. Things that help me out around the house, help with sickness, potty training, teething, siblings, dating my husband, cooking. I can find it!

Nov 18 : donuts. They make my little boy so freaking happy, they are filled with deliciousness and rather inexpensive. Sure, I'll plaster a smile on my child's face for 55¢.

Nov 19 : crafting. It helps keep my mind off all the crazy holiday stresses. It helps me not go crazy. It keeps me busy and I love making things.

Nov 20 : my strong boys, who get stronger every single day. Seriously, every single day they get stronger. Last week, Colonel wasn't showing any signs of teeth, besides being fussy, and now they are SO close to popping. He is climbing all over EVERYTHING. Last week he didn't look at the stairs, didn't pull himself up, now he goes to the stairs everytime and he pull himself up on everything. Danger now poops and pees in the potty every time. Last week, he did not. My boys are so big. And tomorrow they will be bigger than they were today, just a little, but they will still be bigger.

Nov 21 : my love of reading. I love finding new books to read. And I love being transported to new worlds. I love learning of my Savior, of His life, of His teachings. I love reading faith-building books. I love it.

Nov 22 : friends. I am so very grateful for my friends. They have helped thru some very hard times. I am so blessed in the people who have come into my life. I love you.

Nov 23 : inspirations and feeling the spirit. I am so grateful the Holy Spirit whispers to me. And I am grateful that I hearken to the whisperings of The Spirit.

Nov 24 : family traditions. From watching football to a certain grape punch, from Easter egg hunts to stockings. I've enjoyed melding our family's traditions. We've still got some perfecting to do but most families do.

Nov 25 : that I see the blessings in my life. I have a wonderful life and I am so so SO very grateful that I can see the blessings in my life, that I can show my gratitude.

Nov 26 : family. I love my little family. My boys, my husband, my dog. I love the family I grew up in. I love my in law family. I love the friends that have become my family. I am so blessed that I have them. So very grateful.

I know some of them are silly, but I truly am thankful. I really do have a great life, and I'm grateful that I can see how blessed I am, even thru all the struggle we've had.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Best laid plans

You know when you make plans, and they seem totally logical. Yeah, this is totally gonna work, there's no way it can't because it JUST MAKES SENSE?!

(Often times he's so swsweet and cute. Like this, I always take my shoes off by the door, and Danger took his shoes off by mommas.)

That's how potty training has been. It seems like he gets it. It really really does. 

And then I'll get an idea that is totally guaranteed to work. Like making him go naked so he doesn't poop his pants. (Cuz his underwear is what's making him poop and pee his pants, cuz it's tricking him into thinking it's a diaper.) Right? 

Um, nope.

Apparently, my child does whatever, whenever, wherever.  So freaking stubborn. 
Both of my children are completely stubborn and have very strong personalities. They are also very strong. Like very strong. And not bendy, not flexible in the least. 

The Colonel is even less flexible and bendy than Danger was! I know my boys are strong and are completely different than any other children I ever pick up. 

The look on people's faces when they hold my boys is priceless. It makes me smile. 
The Colonel has been a little baby motor machine. Motoring ALL around the living room. But lately, he's been like a ghost from Mario, he only moves when no one is looking. He's getting braver and moving all the time. 
He got an ear infection. This is his sad, I'm sick face. 
Danger came with, and because he's coughing and it's bad, we put a mask on him. He hated at first but then liked it. He even fell asleep with it on, in the car. 
And because this momma is so silly, when she changes baby's bum, she tosses their pants on their head. I did it to Danger, and I do it to The Colonel. Both of them giggled. The Colonel LOVES it. This time, I put his pants actually on his head rather than just on his face. 
Danger got a marker and did this to my height ruler. I tried getting it off, the paint came off first. (sigh) I'm sad about it. I will probably end up making another one. We'll see. 

Sometimes we just have to realize it's not our plans that matter. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Halloween

Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween. And now that I have cute little boys, especially now that Danger is totally getting into it, it's even funner! I love dressing up, and dressing the boys up.

I love the candy, eating it, trick or treating, and even handing it out.

I love the parties, the games, the food, the themes. I love Jack o lanterns and roasted pumpkin seeds. I love the smell of leaves. 

I do NOT love haunted houses. I used to enjoy them, depending on who I went with- you know, some people make it funny.

I don't like zombies at all. Ugh. I can't....I just totally can't even go there. My brain doesn't let anything go. I see something and it's in there FOR-EVER! And I'm imaginative. So my brain takes it and explodes it into all kinds of totally unrealistic, unreasonable, irrational crap. Ugh. Just ugh.

I LOVE my boys and how excited Danger is for Halloween, it took a bit to explain it to him, but oh man. Now it's all he talks about!

We've gone to a trunk or treating at a car dealership, it was a lot of fun. They played a bunch of games, there was a bounce house. Danger loved it.  

We carved pumpkins. We did not roast the seeds this year, I have too much going on, and I didn't want to mess with it. 

Our church put on a Halloween party and chili cookoff. I made a big batch of chili and I made some of the Blob Monster cream puffs. These cream puffs are technically pretty easy. And I rather enjoy making them. Danger "helped" by watching. He loves it. 

I'll try to get a picture of my boys dressed up. Danger is a knight. The Colonel is a dragon. I'm their Princess. 

Monday, October 27, 2014

Happiness

It's what we all seek. We want to be happy. We want to not be sad or feel like crap. I believe it is our natural deposition to be happy. I know that sounds weird, especially since there is so many of us who suffer from depression and anxiety. The world is a depressing place. But I also know that we were made to have joy. (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:25 "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.") 

Life isn't about suffering thru, it's about enjoying the journey. Yes, it's hard, but there is so much good. 

I love being a mom. But when I was little, it's not what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to create things, big buildings, cars. I wanted to design things, I wanted to be in charge. I did that for a little while, and then became a mom. We have been so blessed that Shark's job supports us and I can choose to not work outside the home.  

Being a mom is hard. It's mostly lots of good days, with random bad moments. Bad, frustrating, overwhelming, trying... How ever you want to say it. For the most part, I'm happy. I'm a happy mom who loves playing with her happy kids. But, there are times when it's really hard for the happy to shine thru all that frustration, thru the overwhelming feeling of it all. Sometimes, that overwhelming feeling lasts for days, and it ends up spilling over into other parts of my life. 

Being happy is something, that at some point in each of our lives, we have to really focus on being. I feel like I'm at that point now. I think The Colonel might have pulled the happy out of me when he was born. 

I still struggle with the emotions from the c-section and I can't seem to find the words to even try to explain it to Shark. I end up stammering every time I try to talk about it.

I've been struggling a bit this last week with something said over the internet. Now, I like the internet. I shop, and search, and answer the questions my in-laws have. It's how I keep tabs on my football team and how I keep in touch with my family in WI. I Facebook, instagram, blog, and Pinterest. I enjoy it. 

But I hate how some people have come to think their opinion is law. I've been down in the dumps this week because some people said some things that made me feel inferior, like my opinion was wrong. And I know, I can't control what people say, just how I feel. But it's hard to let those things roll off your shoulder. 

At church on Sunday, I was searching for peace, to have my heart softened and to let it go. (Elsa makes it seem so easy to do, but this momma has no ice castle.) And as soon as I sat down in class, it hit me. Be happy. 
Be happy. 

What does that even mean?! 

The thoughts and feelings continued to flow to my mind and heart. You can only make sure you, yourself, is happy. Then worry about making others happy. "Adjust your own mask before assisting others." 

I need to focus on my own happiness, and the happiness of others will follow. I'm not meaning focus on myself in a selfish way, because when I start to list off things that make me happy, it's all being and doing things with other people. 

But I also need to surround myself with people who are going to lift me up. And I think I do. Everyone I know, lifts me to be better. But I don't need to feel like crap. I shouldn't allow myself to feel like crap, or be treated like crap. 
Sometimes I feel like I go off on some wild tangent and there's no connecting thought to these posts.

I guess what I'm trying to say is :

Be happy. Don't let others into your life who make you feel like crap. Enjoy the journey that God has put you on, and know that it ends well. Your opinion matters, but it's not fact. There's gonna be a lot of crap in our lives, just scroll past it. Find what makes you happy and share it with the world. 

Yup. No connecting thought at all. 
I posted pictures of my boys, cuz they make me so happy, most of the time. 

Find your joy. 

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Potty training sucks

I absolutely hate it.

I mostly hate it because I have no control over it. None. I can try to convince him, try and to encourage him.

We have tried everything. Candy. Temporary tattoos. Cars. Money. Stickers. Games. Food.

No dice.

It works for a little while. But nothing seems to make it stick. The one thing that has worked the longest for us is bubble gum. When he pees, he gets a bubble gum. (Which I buy in a bag from the dollar store.)

Right now, we've got a potty road. After the 1st 10 pottys in the toilet, he gets a prize. Then it's 10, then 15, then 20, and 25. He gets a prize or something special. And every 5 he gets a temporary tattoo. (He LOVES showing off his tattoos.)

I made the potty road the day after he peed on my chair and then peed on the floor, within 15 minutes. I exploded on him and he got sent to bed.

I am sooooo frustrated with all of it. I have been working so hard at not getting angry. But it's hard. My anger bubble is near the surface, as they say. My initial gut reaction is anger and frustration. I think I've been getting better, but it's so so hard.

I got a new book, The Soft Spoken Parent by H. Wallace Goddard. (I love every single book of his.) On the first page it says :

" In fact, those of us who are most vulnerable to anger may be those who have stronger emotions of all kinds. We love more passionately, we live more joyously. That is a blessing. But it must needs be that there is an opposite in all things. Along with the gift of fire (enthusiasm, passion, gusto, zeal), we have the challenge of channeling, managing, and training our fire. "

That's the first page! Needless to say, I am super excited about this book.

We have also been listening to hymns during the day. It has been such a wonderful spirit in the house lately. It has helped me to laugh it off rather than yell.

No matter how we approach it, potty training still sucks. It's not fun. But we're trying to make it fun. We have working on it for so long, I'm just tired of the whole thing. He is so close, so I know I can't.

It's hard. I get frustrated. I'm kind of an angry person. I desperately do NOT want my boys to be angry people. I have a quote on my mirror : The boys are watching everything you do. Be who you want them to see.

I'm working on it. And he's working on it.

We'll let you know how it goes.