Hey

I had a baby!

Yeah. I totally did. 

I had THIS baby :

This out littlest man : Karson. His initials are KFC, so his nickname is The Colonel. (This is going to be the only time I'll use his name, just like the rest of us.)

He has been such a miracle to have in our little family. We love him so much.

Would you like to have story time? Alright. 

Tuesday evening (the 25th) I was having contractions. I had had contractions all day, had even timed them, some were 8 minutes apart some were 5. I had woken up the night before because the contractions were so painful. With Danger, I was induced, I had no idea what labor pains really felt like. I didn't know if what I was feeling was normal or not. So, at the request of my mother, I went into the doctor to see if everything was ok. I wasn't worried or anything, I figured : if I'm in labor, than I'll be glad I came in, if I'm not, than they will tell when to come back. 

Well, I went in around 7, I was at a 4. They kept me for an hour, moms progress at about a centimeter an hour. The nurse came back about an hour later and I had progressed but they wanted to keep me another hour just to be sure. Around 9, she came back and said she had talked to the OB on call and she had decided to keep me and have the baby that night. So I called Shark, told him to take Danger to grandma's and come over to the hospital. 

*Now, I do need to put a note in here about Danger. The week before this, Danger had a blazing fever, and had thrown up a few times, not consecutive, and he did keep liquids down and some food, it was kind of random when he'd throw up. So, little man was NOT feeling good at all. His fever did break about 30 minutes before I called Shark to come to the hospital, so we were relived to take him to grandma's and weren't worried. 

Shark got to the hospital around 10, my contractions were still going strong. I waited for Shark to get there to get my epidural, I'm glad I did cuz it was a rough one. I needed to hold his hand during it. The contractions weren't too bad at this point, but my OB suggested I get the epidural early, rather than later. Once that started kicking in, the OB started to make a plan. She had tried to figure out how to keep an eye in my pacemaker. (It ended up not even being an issue about my heart.)

Around 11, I had progressed to a 7, and the OB broke my water. The OB explained her plan to us : she wanted this labor to be not very laborious, she wanted the least amount of stress possible, she didn't want me to push hardly at all, just wanted baby to come with contractions. It sounded like a wonderful plan. 

Once my water was broken, the contractions started coming sooner and sooner. Around 12, it was noticed, after a while, that when I contracted, baby's heart rate dropped. And it dropped considerably, almost to a scary rate. My contractions were coming so close together that baby didn't have time to recover. The nurses had started to change my positions, trying to get baby's heart rate to respond. The OB started going over plan B. They handed Shark a gown, mask, cap and booties. They would continue to move me around, but we would be going into an OR, just in case I needed the c-section. 

At this point, it was around 12:25, and they wheeled me into the OR and just prepped for the c-section. I have had plenty of incision surgeries, I've got my share of scars, my share of stitches, but I have never been awake for any of them. I NEVER ever want to be awake for another surgery, EVER ever again. I would not wish that on anyone, not even if I had a worst enemy. It wasn't really painful, but it sure as heck was not pleasant. I don't really know how to explain it, pressure I guess. Lots of pressure, lots of uncomfortable pressure. LOTS. 

Our little Colonel was brought into the world at 12:33am, he weighed 5lbs 10oz and was 19 inches long. 

He is amazing and healthy and beautiful. We could not be more happy and feel more blessed. We are so in love with our little Colonel. Danger is so in love with his baby brother. He runs to help him when he cries, he brings me binkies and blankets and burp cloths and diapers. 

Because of the c-section, we were in the hospital for about 4 days. And because Danger had a fever, he wasn't able to come to the hospital to see his new brother or his momma momma!! I had called the pediatric office that first day I was there and asked about Danger's fever, and I made an appointment for the next day. And Shark took him in. Apparently, Danger had had the flu, but now had an ear infection, which is not contagious, but his fever needed to be gone for a whole day before he could come see us. 

His fever didn't return that night or the next day. So Friday, I got to hug all my boys!!! It was wonderful! 

I love these boys! They have my heart and I am the happiest girl in the world. Oh how I love them!!

Danger has been such a champ the past few weeks. Here's what's he's gone thru :

Fever, Flu, Ear infection, New brother and  4 new molars

I did not know he had gotten his molars until I looked yesterday. When did that happen?! Oh, hmmm, it was probably part of what caused his fever.... He is my little champ, my tough guy. 

Pictures!

I love my boys!

A little excitement

Ok, so while I was back in Wisconsin, my heart went into flutter. It went crazy. I thought it had gotten out of the flutter tho, so I didn't really think anything of it. I had a cardio appointment scheduled for the Thursday we got back to Utah, so I didn't see it as an emergency. Well, when I went in for my cardio appointment, I was still in flutter. To get me out of the atrial flutter, the doctor's needed to do another cardioversion. I had 2 of these done while I was pregnant with Danger, so this isn't anything new for me. It had been 6 days since I went into atrial flutter, so the doctor's were concerned with blood clots. So, they needed to do another trans-esophageal echo (they take an echo of my heart by going down thru my throat), it's not really a pleasant thing, but this time, I was completely under anesthesia. So that was awesome. But along with everything this time, the doctors were more concerned for baby, so they did fetal monitoring and extra precautions. Also, rather than just shock me with the big metal pads, they decided to try to use the defibrillator function on my pacemaker. It worked. So, even though they put the big metal sticky pads on me, they didn't end up using them. The pacemaker did what it was supposed to, and they finally turned the defibrillator function on! So hopefully, it won't happen again, but if it does, my pacemaker will just kick my heart out of it! But since I needed to be shocked out of the atrial flutter, I am now back on the Lovenox shots. They are very painful shots I need to give myself twice a day. It wouldn't be so bad if the shot site didn't bleed and bruise instantly. But, it's not too bad, considering I get a child out of this whole ordeal. :)

 The shots. One more good thing: they are WAY cheaper than they were when I was pregnant with Danger. 

Saturday was Danger's birthday! My little guy turned 2!! Oh my goodness!! He is getting so big!

 He loved blowing out his candles!

He then gotta hand with uncle Kurt, who taught him to drink soda out of bottle. He loves being a big boy!

Oh Danger, you have blessed our lives so much, we are so grateful for you and love you so! We love you so much and thank Heavenly Father every day for blessing us with you! You are an amazing and wonderful boy! You are so curious and so smart. You enrich my life immensely. You make me laugh and remind me to take it slow and just have fun! Thank you!! You will be a wonderful big brother and you will teach your siblings everything you know! I look forward to see you play with them!! You are growing so fast, some days I wish I could slow you down, but then I would miss watching you learn and discover!!

And this week

Well this week has been the same as other weeks I suppose. The beginning at least.

Shark and I went on a double date on Tuesday. It was really nice for us to go on a date. Lately our dates have had a 3rd wheel. It's not that we can't find someone to watch Danger, it's just that lately our dates have been sort of spur of the moment. We just sorta get in the car and go. 

Then Wednesday, The Headache hit me. It was the worst headache I've had since before the heart surgery! I haven't had a bad one like this in a long long time!! Thursday I went to the chiropractor and the crick in my neck went away, but the headache stayed. Today (Saturday) is day 4 of this blasted headache. Day 4 of the aura, of the lightheaded ness, of the dizzy spells, of the pain. Ugh. I can tell you, after I went to the chiropractor, the pain changed. I don't know how to explain it, it's like it went from an external pain that can be fixed to an internal pain that I just have to deal with. I've been dealing with headaches for a long long time. Thank goodness I have a flexible schedule and am able to just hang out on the couch with Danger. 

Friday I went to drop off stuff at the DI, then ran to Walmart, and I ended up parking next to a friend of mine! So we hung for a while that day. Her youngest son is 2 months older than Danger. I decided I needed something else to do so I thought I'd make some "calm down bottles" I found on Pinterest. 

The pink and purple don't have the stickers off yet, and I have to use goo-gone to get the sticker residue off the blue and green. I took SmartWater bottles, bought way more glitter than I'll ever need, and some tacky gel glue. I used hot water, poured the glue in first to mix it in, then dumped copious amounts of glitter in. Then, since super glue didn't keep the lid secure I used Gorilla glue. They last for about 3 minutes. 

I've been working on Christmas presents, wedding presents and baby gifts. My sister is getting married next week. (I KNOW!!!) And so I've been working on getting something together for them.  Danger and I are flying back to WI for the reception. It'll be his first time on an airplane. He's going to sit on my lap, he won't be 2 yet, so he'll be free. We're bringing a portable DVD player and plenty of fruit snacks. Grandma and grandpa are so excited to see him. 

This kid is why I can never find my cans of food!

Peace love and cheesy grins!

Me - 16 weeks. 

Not dead just pregnant

Oh man, I know it has been a while. Everytime I feel sorta up to writing a post, I end up losing a battle with my laziness. Sorry.

Shark started school again last month. Which means he also switched back to the night shift. His schedule goes like this:

-Monday : school from 9:30 to 2:00pm. He gets there early to study and do homework. No work. 

-Tuesday : no school. No work. Homework/catch up day. 

-Wednesday : school from 9:30 to 4:30pm. He has to leave right from school to make it to work on time at 6:30p. 

-Thursday : he gets off work at 6:30am then he catches the train home and gets home usually around 8:30am. He goes right to sleep. Wakes up around 3:00pm to bath and eat. Then he catches the 4:00pm train back south. Work at 6:30pm. 

-Friday : off work at 6:30am then hops the train back up north. Gets to school around 8:30 and studies until his first class at 9:30am. School until 1:30. He comes home, catches an hour and a half nap then he's awake at 3pm to bath and eat. Heads back to the train. Work at 6:30pm. 

-Saturday : off work at 6:30am. Drives the car back home. Sleep all day. *Every other Saturday he wakes up around 3:00 pm to drive back to work by 6:30pm. The train schedule is different on Saturday so he drives. 

-Sunday : every other Sunday he gets home from work around 8:30am. He tries to be up and go to church with us but sometimes it's either he sleep at home and get good rest or sleep at church. So he sleeps at home. 

So yeah, I don't see a whole lot of him when he's on nights. But he's getting his school done which is important. With him riding the train this semester he's able to sleep or study on the train. So instead of JUST driving to work, he's able to utilize every minute o his day. Hopefully he'll be healthier this year than he was last year.

I told him he picked the perfect time to get me pregnant, he'll be gone all day everyday until after this baby is born!! He laughed. But it just means Danger gets the brunt of my crankiness, sorry little man. He's a fighter tho. Usually after I holler at him for something he comes up and pats me on the head or the shoulder and lays down on my lap.

I've been working on being better and not so cranky. I have been having crazy realistic pregnancy dreams! Like I wake up crying and then when I fall back asleep, I fall right back into the dream. They have been awful and real feeling! So on top of being crazy emotional and crying at anything (I even cried during an episode of Castle!!) now I've been even worse and teary-eyed all day cuz these dreams are so bad!

Anyways - but we're not dead. We've taken a step back this week, like retreated into our house. Danger fell off the bunk bed ladder and broke his collar bone! So we've been hanging around the house all day. I've still been babysitting, but at least I can keep an eye on Danger. I haven't let him out of my sight since Monday, when he fell. I have been crazy mom! And, it doesn't help that they pain killers he's on have made him constipated. So my little strong man is hurting all over. And it breaks his momma's heart.

So yeah - we're not dead - Shark is working/learning, Danger is just hanging in there, and the momma is just crying!! :)

Pacing myself

I had an appointment with my cardiologist, this time he said if I had any fainting spells, dizzy spells, times when I was walking around my house and I felt tired, like I was dragging 100's of pounds that I should call them. That was also the appointment I mistakenly took Danger too.... The one where he cried the entire time, and freaked with at the doctors.... I'm glad I listened to the doctor though. I'm glad the doctor repeatedly got my attention, and made sure I listened.

Well, Monday after Mother's Day (what is it with Mother's Day!?!?!?) I got dizzy and I was feeling sluggish all day. So I called the Dr on Tuesday. They sent me a halter monitor on Wednesday, then had me come in for a cardiac MRI, that same Wednesday. The MRI was so they can "map" out my heart. So they could put the pace maker in the next Monday. Yup, that's right, I got a pace maker at the age of 26.

When Shark and I moved here, I went to the cardiologist, as a follow up from my heart surgery in Colorado. All my life, I have gone to pediatric cardiologists. The butterflies painted on the ceiling, stars on the tile floor telling you where to go, stickers at the appointment counter, puzzles in the waiting room. I was used to it, and it didn't bother me. Well, here in Utah, my pediatric cardiologist is also an adult cardiologist. I told him, before the surgery in Colorado, I didn't think anything would ever go wrong with my heart, ever again. I thought, One fix and I was done for life. Silly me. He told me the truth of it all. He said, By age 30, I would need a pacemaker, and by age 45-50, I would need a heart transplant. He didn't really sugar coat it at all. I am so grateful for that.

So I knew the pacemaker was coming. I just didn't expect it to happen all in one week! I knew I had about 4 years MAX left until I needed one. Every time I had gone to the cardiologist, he would look at my EKG and tell me if my heart action had decreased at all, even the tiniest bit. And every time I went, he would say, It looks just a tad bit slower than it did 6 months ago. But my heart is still strong. I mean, considering the weak side is doing the job that the stronger side is supposed to be doing... The doctors have said I have exceeded all expectations, most patients with my condition need the pacemaker by the time they're 20, at the end of their 2nd decade. I'm in my 3rd decade, and nearing my 4th!! The doctors are all a little surprised. It's just my sinus node, the one that tells the heard to beat, that is starting to slow down.

It's hard to think I'm going to be 26 with a pace maker. It's kinda scary, I mean, I'm just barely old enough to rent a car! I know there are patients younger than me who have pacemakers, but it's still kinda scary. I've had all kinds of thought running thru my head. I know it will give me longevity and hopefully more energy. But sometimes I wonder how I'll be right after the pacemaker is put in. Will I be able to pick up Danger? How will the stitches limit me? How long will I be out?

*****

Ok, I got it done on Monday. I have come to realize, I wake up from anesthesia like a beast. Apparently, I said my pain was a 9! Which I'm not entirely sure it was a 9..... Anyways, I didn't threaten too many people, so everyone was still friendly.

The Dr's tested my pace maker, and everything worked great. No disruptions, everything worked amazing. Well, I woke up and started to walk around a bit. Once I sat back down, my stomach started spasming, it was just like the bottom part of the hiccups. Well, it was like 10pm, the nurse called the on call doctor, who thought it could have been my body's response to pain or it could be my being blocked up. So they gave me morphine and miralax. The morphine apparently worked so they didn't pursue it much farther, until the morning.

As soon as my cardiologist walked in, I showed her my hiccups. She immediately said, Oh no! And she explained that my diaphragm was getting paced along with my heart. In normal anatomy, the leads go in right atrium and the right ventricle. In my backwards anatomy, my leads go in the left side. The phrenic nerve come down from the neck (C3-C5), the nerve splits and the left phrenic nerve passes over the pericardium of the left ventricle and then down to the diaphragm. (My nerves are in the correct location, it's my heart that is backwards... So the nerve goes around the back of the heart, where my leads are positioned....) So when the charge goes down the leads, it catches the phrenic nerve and my diaphragm is paced right along with my heart, which right now is set at 60 bpm. 

So 60 heart beats and 60 hiccups... It doesn't hurt, it's just really really annoying. And when I'm talking, I can't get enough breaths, well enough deep breaths. Plus, when I'm hiccuping, I don't want to eat anything cuz my stomach is getting tossed around and I don't want to hurl.... 

Anyways, the Dr's have tried programming my pace maker to lower voltage and all kinds of combos so my diaphragm doesn't pace with my heart. But the end result is they can't keep me at a lower voltage for an extended period of time, if my heart were to build up a resistance to the charge, the pace maker wouldn't do any good. So on Tuesday, the Dr's are going to replace the pace maker and reposition the leads so my diaphragm won't beat with my heart. 

So yeah... that's happening. I don't have a lot of pain, but I can't lift my left arm above my shoulder, and I can't lift more than 5 lbs with it. So basically, Danger and I have been just sitting around the house, watching TV, so you know, nothing out of the ordinary. :)

I've been doing good, it's just hard when things hurt. Also, this morning, when I sat up in bed, I swear I could feel the pace maker slide into place... It was soooooooo freaking weird. Danger has been good, he's been fussy, but he's been just fine walking every where, and he usually doesn't need to be picked up, so I'm grateful he's good with me not holding him. We've also been sleep training him in places other than his crib. So he had NO problem at all sleeping at grandma's and napping at Katie's. Which is awesome. We were kinds worried about it. Shark has been such an amazing help, he's been wonderful. :)

*****

Ok, so I went back in to get the leads repositioned. It was an awful week. Not so much physical pain wise, but mental pain wise it was awful. I feel like a broken person. I feel like part of me is missing, is not fixable. The open heart surgery 4 years ago was worse surgery wise, but mentally and emotionally, this one is worse. With the OH surgery, it was just me and Shark, and this one, there's Danger too. And all these stupid WHAT IF'S start popping up. With the 1st surgery, these thought sorta came up, but going BACK in makes these thoughts pop up more! It's awful.

Anyways, Shark has been parachuting. And in a way it's kinda worse for me. He's off jumping off cliffs and flying, and I feel like this broken person, never to be repaired... But at least it's a good distraction for him. He's had something else to fill his thoughts than everything going on with me.

When I went back in, I talked to the Dr's and they asked if I had any concerns, and I told them I react badly to anesthesia, with nausea and dizziness. The Dr's mixed up an awesome cocktail of pain relief and anti-nausea meds, and when I woke up the 2nd time, I was able to walk around right away and eat something, like RIGHT AWAY! It was awesome. I felt so good.

The difference from last week to this week is like night and day. I feel great. I really do. I have energy, I'm hungry, I'm not throwing up, I can chase my little man around! I feel freaking awesome!!! Seriously! The thing about it is, I don't really recall how I felt BEFORE the 1st surgery, but I think I feel so much better. I feel amazing!

I am so grateful that Shark and I had started to talk about getting as much information about the pace maker, before we knew we needed it. It helped prepare us for the totally random and shocking announcement - Hey, next week you're going for surgery.

I really do feel great. It has taken every one of us by surprise.