Tuesday, February 24, 2015

It's been a while

Yeah, so it's been a while....I'm sorry that it's almost March and this is my first post. Well, I had one written, and drafted it but never published. It's a little too personal, which is odd cuz this is my personal blog... But I'm not ready to share it yet. Maybe, down the road, maybe. 

But there has been things going on. My boys are growing up. They are getting so big. So strong. So tough. They are amazing. But they are growing up too fast! 

The Colonel is 1 day shy of 11 months. He's crawling everywhere. He stands up on everything. He babbles and talks and is learning to make all kinds of sounds. 
His little personality is shining thru and we're learning very fast that it's not a little personality at all! 
I love watching my boys together. The littles play so good together. They laugh and giggle. If one giggles, the other will burst into fits of laughter. And what's even funnier, is it's obviously fake laughter. And then it turns into real sincere laughing. I love it. 
Danger is a little doer. He's always fixing things and repairing things and throwing things. He's always running and jumping. Always digging, always driving trucks. And he's started really digging into his imagination. It's wonderful to watch. 
He's been having some emotional days lately. He will just burst into tears randomly while Shark is at work or school. Like, inconsolable. And the only words I have gotten from him in these moments is : dad, school, work, gone, help. He sobs, breaks down, tears stream down his face. All I can do is hold him. Stroke his hair, rub his back, and tell him that his dad is working/schooling and will be home soon. 
I desperately am trying to help him to understand that his dad will always come home and play with him. That neither mom or dad, will ever leave him. We will always be there, always. 
I've also been trying to destress our lives. Destress the boys' lives, not rush them, not put too much of a schedule on them. Which also helps me not to stress. It just takes a load of my shoulders to not HAVE to rush around all day. 
I've been trying to take more pictures and to take more HAPPY pictures with my boys. Which also turns into being HAPPIER with my boys. It's wonderful. 
Now, the past 2 months haven't gone by without hiccups or events. 
We got Danger signed up for preschool in the fall, and we're so excited. 
My sister Megatron stayed with us for a bit, and we have taken trips to see her down south. It's been very very fun, and wonderful to have my family close. 
February started off great, and Shark and I made Valentine's plans, but had to abruptly cancel them because my heart went into flutter again. No idea why, but it happened. 
They didn't cardiovert me out of it this time. They used my pacemaker to pace me out of it. They sent a burst of beats to my heart which, more or less, "spooked" my heart so that it started beating at a normal rhythm again. 
We were literally saved by my sister, Megatron, because she drove me to the hospital while Shark was at work, and watched the boys while we were at the hospital. She was amazing!
But after that all happened, the boys got sick. With 2 different illnesses. Danger has a cold. Colonel has some type of flu. But now, Danger's cough is just a lingering cough and Colonel has gotten over his weird flu and is back to normal, aside from the weight he's lost. 
Here's a hospital pick. This is the 1st ER visit. There were 2. One Friday night/Saturday morning, and one Saturday evening. Megatron and I were making bracelets when my heart rate jumped to 220... 
The boys like riding in the basket. Colonel loves it cuz he can stand up and see everything. He thinks it's awesome. Only problem is : I can't buy as much stuff as I normally do. Wait, is that a problem? 
Chilling with dad. 
Sicko snuggles. 
Emotional day cuddles, and momma's new haircut! 

I love these boys. I'm working on being a more patient mom and showing more love towards my kids. I'm trying to improve myself and my thinking. I'm trying to strengthen my relationship with my Savior by learning as much as I can about Him, and doing that also means in learning how He sees me. I am a Daughter of God and no one can take that away from me, nothing, anybody says or does will ever change how much He loves me. And that includes what I say or do. 

Knowing this and thinking this every day has been amazing and uplifting. 

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