Wednesday, June 26, 2013

bloglovin

So I learned a while back that Google Reader was going the way of the walkman.... So I looked into other Blog readers...And I found Bloglovin'.

A few of the blogs I follow had already made the switch to Bloglovin', and they raved about it. So I figured I'd jump on the train. So I looked up how to move my Google Reader feed over to Bloglovin'. I googled it and found the Bloglovin' blog and this awesome explanatory post!

It's pretty easy to use, and there's a mobile app for it as well. I have my blogs separated into groups : friends (people I know!), crafty (all the crafty blogs I follow!), and fun (all the crazy fun blogs I follow, like Pintrosity).

I know when you go the Blogger dashboard, there is a list of new posts, but I follow a lot of blogs and Blogger doesn't put up more than 20 new posts... So I miss them sometimes. On the Bloglovin' each blog on my list has a number next to it with the number of new unread posts. When I click on a blog I want to read, it opens another tab, with a direction bar at the top! So I don't have to keep going back to the main page! I can go onto the next blog or post I want to read, right from that page!!

So pretty sure I'm sold on Bloglovin' - it's pretty awesome. Well, awesome when I remember to check my account. But when I do, there's LOTS to read and I enjoy catching up!

So for those of you who still use Google Reader and are as disappointed as I was about it being gone, Bloglovin' might be the answer you've been looking for. It's very user friendly and very fun.

:)

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Day of Fulfillment

Alright, so there are days, even weeks where I don't cook dinner.... It's not that we don't have food at our house.... But when I look in the fridge, all I find are ingredients! Ugh! That's the worst!

So I've been searching the Pinterest for CrockPot Freezer Meals... I love my crock pot, I love being able to dump a bunch of stuff in there and have a meal when Shark comes home. And for the most part, the meals are pretty delicious! And way easy. In the summer I lean heavily on the crock pot, I don't want to turn the oven on!

So I found a CrockPot Freezer recipe gold mine! I stumbled upon Baked In the South, and decided to make ALL of her recipes. She's got 5 parts! This link goes to Part 5, because parts 1-4 don't link up part 5. But part 5 links up the other 4. She's got about 5 recipes per post, so that's A LOT of food.
 Please ignore how disgusting my freezer is.... I bought berries from Dollar Tree... once the packaging froze, it cracks and broke open... Lesson learned.

It feels so good to have a freezer full of meals. I made 20! And no repeats either. Although I did have enough of some recipes to make doubles, I figured we'd try them out first, see if they were tasty, then make more.

Also, I ended up not having a few things, I thought I had more than 1 can of cream of mushroom soup, so I put on the bag the things I needed to add when I put it in the crock.

So easy, and I bought all the ingredients (expect for the stew beef!) with my bi-weekly grocery budget! It worked out so good!

Monday, June 17, 2013

I'm a tattooed Mormon too

So there's this really sweet awesome amazing girl who everyone is talking about. My mom sent me a link of her story in a church magazine. She said she thought of me when she read it. The girl is nicknamed The Tattooed Mormon. She has an amazing story of her conversion, baptism, relocation to Utah, and I'm pretty sure her engagement story is amazing as well. I love her, and even tho we haven't met, she's my hero. Her bravery in not hiding her tattoos is awesome.

I guess I don't intentionally hide mine, if I showed them off, I'd need a censor bar.... Well, for one of them. But since I've gotten married I've become real conservative when it comes to clothing. Cuz once I got married, I started going to a family ward at church, and I guess I don't want to be the one who makes the kids ask their parents if tattoos are ok... So I watch what I wear. (I like my tattoos, sometimes when I'm feeling down on myself, I look at them and I feel good about how I look, and am not as bothered by the fact that I haven't lost the baby weight yet....)

Anyways, I grew up Mormon, was baptized, but my conversion happened much later. No sparks, no angel chorus, no light from above, just the feeling that this gospel, these teaching were what I needed in my life, were what I was missing. I needed truth and belonging, and I got that at church. I felt at home in church, and I hadn't felt comfortable in church for a very long time. I made friends at church, friends who had the same goals, who didn't judge me and wanted to lift me up. (Not saying that my previous friends wanted to bring me down, but I didn't always make the best choices with my other friends.) I was discovering who I wanted to be, who I could be. I was figuring out who I needed to be. 

One thing I've learned since I moved out here : be careful who you open up to. I had been dating a boy for a few months and he had started to talk about marriage, hasn't proposed officially but had said on few occasions that he wanted to marry me. Well, his younger brother was struggling, had started drinking and smoking, and I felt I needed to share a little bit about myself with him. I told his brother a little bit of my story, and basically told him to be careful, and to always talk with his family, your family is always there for you. Well, the brother told my boyfriend and the boyfriend stopped talking to me all together. Wouldn't take my phone calls, wouldn't answer my text messages, nothing. I saw his brother a few weeks after our talk and asked him if he knew what was going on. The boyfriend didn't like that I had a past and didn't want to marry someone with that much of a "bad" history. Well, I met Shark a little after that and I was really apprehensive about telling him anything. We ended going swimming with the church group, he saw my tattoos, they didn't bother him. I didn't let that boy go!!

Anyways, I put up a lot of walls, and I didn't share much with anyone because I didn't want to feel like that again. I felt like the whole world (here in Utah) would shut me out, turn away from me, judge me for who I had been, who I was trying to change from. I wanted so desperately to be liked, to belong, to have friends. So I hid parts of myself, parts of who I had been. But I am so glad I found Shark, because even tho I have tattoos and know what goes better with rum than whiskey, he loves me for who I am now, and who I will be, who I have potential to become. He sees me as a wife, a mother to his children, as a Daughter of God. And I love that. I need that. 

I struggled when picking out my wedding dress. Should I get one that had a high back to cover my tattoos, or should I get one with a normal back line? I had come to the decision to find one with a normal back line. I felt that showing my tattoos was an outward expression of how far I had come, the obstacles I had overcome to get to where I was. I was going to be walking out of the Temple in this dress, tattoos showing, sealed to my eternal companion!! I also felt that if anyone had a problem with it, it was not on my head and they should talk to a higher authority... I didn't show my tattoos out of disrespect for the Temple or the sacred ordinance of marriage and sealing, I showed them because they are a part of me. They do not define me, but have become just another scar on the canvas that is me. Just one more thing I have overcome, one more trial I've faced on my pathway to being sealed for time and all eternity. 

And honestly, in making all my truckload of mistakes I've come to know myself. Who I am. I am confident in myself. I know where I stand. I'm comfortable with me. I know what I'm capable of getting thru. (And I keep surprising myself cuz tougher things keep coming!) I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. And even though it felt like I wavered and zigzagged, I look back on my life and it is a straight line to where I am right this minute. If I hadn't gone to BYU-I, if I hadn't gotten dismissed from BYU-I, if I hadn't moved in with my aunt, if my car hasn't broken down and I moved back to WI, if I hadn't gotten a job offer and moved back to UT, if my friends hadn't told me to leave, if I hadn't slept in and gone to the later ward, if I hadn't moved to Shark's city..... Yeah things would be SOOOOOOO different. 

I know it's hard. Trust me, sometimes it sucks. But I know the life we're given, the trials we individually go thru are not above us. Yes, we struggle, but that's the point. I know, it sucks to struggle. Sometimes it seems like that's all we do, is struggle with hardship and trial, one right after the next. But we are strong. I believe our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we can handle. He doesn't give us trials that we cannot get thru. Remember math in elementary? When we started addition it was hard. Then they gave us subtraction and that was hard too. And multiplication was hard. And then division, and then they mixed them together... And then they added letters! And it was all hard, but subtraction wasn't really harder than addition, it was just new, so we had to learn how to get thru it. And now look, we can do hard math with letters and parentheses and fractions. Cuz we're awesome. 

I may just be a stay at home mom with a heart condition, but it's hard. This life is hard. No one has it easy. Some days it's hard to have a child climb all over you and punch you with his little lime-sized hands, and on those days I just want to cry. And I do, I had no idea there would so much crying in motherhood... But then, thru my tears, I see our wedding picture. And I see that young blonde girl in her wedding dress, grabbing the tuxedo of that handsome young man, as they smile into each others eyes, their hopes and dreams reflecting there... They family they have planned, the house with the dog. Neither one suspecting that in 3 months she'll be told she needs an open heart surgery, and he will go thru anxiety and stress that comes when faced with a loved one's mortality. Neither one ever thinking what they go thru in the future could bring them closer, because how could they ever be closer, stronger than they are right now? On their wedding day?

And that's when I pause Handy Manny, and scoop my son up in a hug and dance with him. Because if I were not who I am today, I would not see it this way. I would not be as grateful for the blessings in my life. I would not know the good from the bad, the bitter from the sweet. I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned. Yes, I learned those lessons at a cost, no choice comes without a price, but it is one I would willing pay again to have the same knowledge and insight I do. 

I know it's hard. But always look to the light. Where light is darkness is not. But please do not feel like a failure if your thoughts aren't always light. We read our scriptures, we pray as a family, we go to church, we pay our tithing, and the hardest thing I've found is keeping the Savior in the forefront of my mind, in my thoughts daily. I suck at it. Seriously, it's like, "ok thinking of Christ...ooh, pop tarts..." And then I don't bring my mind back around to Christ for hours. I've tried to start seeing Him in things I do daily. Like cleaning the house, when the house is clean, we're happy and at peace, and peace at home brings Christ and the Holy Spirit into our home. Or playing with my son, when teaching my child, it helps me to be more child-like and submissive to His teachings. And singing, I sing Danger's nursery songs with him, they bring The Spirit right into the home, plus they make us happy and Danger is learning them! 

I want to say : you are not alone. No matter who you are, what your situation might be, what faith you are : YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not the first person to have that trial, that struggle, that test. You are not the only one facing these things, having these thoughts, having these challenges. 

Heavenly Father and our Savior know you, know your struggles, know your Spirit. You are loved. You are strong. You are awesome. 

Always look to the light. 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

101 in 1001 recap!

ok so lots has happened.

38 : I got a new (to me) washer and dryer. I am part of an online yard sale group on facebook, and this lady was selling her front load washer and then she was selling her dryer. for $50 each! I got in line for the washer and when I was working with her on when to come pick it up, she offered the dryer too! So I got a set of front load washer and dryer for $100!! I freaking love them! I have decided to keep the dryer I already have, so now I have 2! Shark went to go pick them up, and while he was loading them (no one was there to help him) he dropped the washer, some of the springs popped off, but he ended up fixing it! I love him! He is amazing!

I feel like I'm working on a lot of things. I'm working on baby hats, I'm working on cleaning the house, I'm working on keeping  a budget, I'm working on Christmas gifts, I'm learning to walk in high heels, I'm listening to and reading books, I'm commenting on blogs, I'm trying to keep a journal, I'm trying to blog more, I'm doing 10 on 10, I've been taking pictures more, I've been playing with Danger more, I've been going to the park, I've been trying to exercise more. I feel like I've been doing so much!

I feel like I've been moving nonstop. I keep waiting for life to slow down. But I know it never will. Which kinda bums me out. But at the same time, I'm kinda excited, because I have an exciting life.

I'm hoping to get more things done.

Oh, also, I've started a Photo Blog. (yeah, I know!) Go to Team Collard : 365! We'll see how this goes...

Much love -

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Just beating myself


So the past 2 weeks have been pretty rough.

Getting a pace maker has been kinda rough on me. The surgery wasn't so bad, but it was still a surgery. Shark and I have been married for 5 years (HOLY FREAKING CRAP!!) and we've dealt with as many surgeries. Ugh.

Anyways, so it's been emotionally hard on me as well. Yeah, surgery sucks, people with their hands all under my skin and what not, bruises upon bruises and stitches upon stitches. But when left to my own devices, my brain starts getting carried away. I'm 26, and I've got a pacemaker. It's hard having your body fail on you, not do what it is supposed to do. It's also one thing to know what's going to eventually happen, and another thing to have it happen. I have known my whole life my heart's function and imperfections. And for some reason, this emotional break down did NOT happen with the open heart surgery, but decided to wait until this. Maybe it's because I have a kid now... Maybe it's that dark and daunting thought - what if something happened and I wasn't around for my kids????

So anyways - after all this turmoil and emotional and physical pain, Shark and I have been planning this little vacation. When we first started planning it, Shark's parents would watch Danger. Well, after them watching him for the past 2 weeks, we knew their schedules wouldn't allow any more "play" time. So we decided to take him with us. And 1 day shy of the 1 week anniversary of my 2nd surgery and on the 2 week anniversary of my 1st one - we went on vacation.

My mom has this timeshare thing, and since we didn't have the moolah to go to Mexico, they found a timeshare exchange week here in Utah. We headed out to Snowbird, which is an awesome resort in the winter, but it's pretty freaking awesome in the summer as well! For one, you can SEE the landscape around you. And the landscape is BEAUTIFUL! It was so pretty and so wonderful up there. Even if we did have a little brat boy with us.













We found a pond and a play ground, and he went nuts. Just played all over. He went on this spinning swing, and got spun off, he didn't like the landing, but he perked up once he got to a slide. He was so tired out. Then we went to a nice restaurant, where I got sushi!

The hotel had amazing restaurants, I tried sushi for the first time, and rather enjoyed it. I explained to the server that I had never had sushi and was planning on trying it. He talked with the chef and then brought out some of the specialties for us to try for free! And then we got free dessert because we were celebrating our anniversary. (Oh, didn't I mention? Shark and I are having our 5th anniversary this year! This MONTH!!)


We went to the pool, which I thought Danger would LOVE, cuz you know, he loves baths.... NOPE! He hated every minute of it! It might not have been that bad if there had been a little kid wading area, instead of just a pool with lanes, but Shark held him the entire time. I couldn't really get in the water (surgery!) so I sat on the steps. It was still fun. Once Danger got out and dried off (it's chilly in the mountains!) he ran around the pool like it was his job. He climbed the rocks and threw wood chips. He tested the hose and made sure the gate was locked. He was so cute.




And then we got up and had breakfast, and they were doing some menu revisions, and the chef brought out this BBQ teriyaki pulled pork to show the manager. Well, the waitress came back around to fill up drinks, and I joked that we could be the testers if they needed us to be, we would sacrifice to test the food. Well, she brought it around and told us to enjoy! It was sooo amazing!

There were little ground squirrels all over and some rock chucks. We fed a little ground squirrel, after the day before some came right up to my toes and walked with us. After that, Shark kept bugging me if I brought food, which oddly enough, I didn't have any in my purse the whole weekend! I always have something in my purse for Danger.





It was a pretty awesome weekend for us. Little Man has been pretty cute too... Even tho we were kinda disappointed that we had to bring him - it turned out to be fun. It all worked out. :)




I love my boys.