Letting Go

Hey there. I know, it has been forever. More on all the happenings in the next post. I had some thoughts about the lesson in Relief Society today.

Today was our March Circle Discussion. (I love the circle, I think it's kinda difficult to do during the last hour, and I'm bothered when people sit outside the circle. Like, seriously? Just get into the circle.) Today we walked about Prioritizing Our Lives. The lesson drew insights and quotes from Elder Dallin H. Oaks' talk from April 2001 "Focus And Priorities" which is absolutely amazing!

One thing that has modern mothers (Mormon or not!) scrambling is pinterest. Seriously. With all those perfect houses and perfect meals, who isn't scrambling to add a little more perfection to their lives? Who didn't jump up and order an InstaPot on amazon as soon as those pins started filling up the news feed? And you know what? THAT'S OK! Honestly, if that's you, then own it, cuz you're awesome and trying new things to feed your family and learning/bettering a skill.

If you bought the InstaPot and realized it's not for you, THAT'S OK! Honestly. Just cuz something works for tons of other moms, doesn't mean it's going to work for you. There are tons of moms who don't "get" the InstaPot either.

 If you didn't even try the InstaPot cuz you really don't need ANOTHER unused kitchen appliance filling up your counter, THAT'S OK! Honestly! There are tons of moms who don't cook and whose children live off of cereal, hot dogs and string cheese and those kids are growing! (Trust me! I have pictures to prove it!)

The point is, what works for someone else, might not work for you. And that's ok. I can give you a list of skills I do NOT have, and for a while, being deficient in those skill sets bothered me, because what Mormon mom doesn't sing?! Well, actually, a lot of us don't sing. I realized that I was comparing my weakness to someone else's strength. And that's not fair, to me or her!

In our amazing discussion, on mother said, "I sew, that's my happy place. Sewing lets me just slow down and breathe. I helps me bring me back down so I can focus. If I don't sew, I go crazy!"

The mom sitting next to her spoke up too, "I think it's great that sewing is your skill, because sewing makes me swear. (we all laughed!) I tried to do all kinds of things, but I have had to slow down and figure out what things I could let go of to keep myself happy. I'm ok with not being a sewer or a cook. I don't cook, it's not something I'm good at. You'd be surprised how much cereal my kids eat."

And that hit me. "I had to figure our what things I could let go of to keep myself happy."

Wow.

Like wow - wow - WOW!

That got me thinking of what things can I let of (for the sake of my happiness/sanity)? What things have I already let go of?

Another insight that was brought up was that we, as mothers, as women, as the wearers-of-many-many-hats, need to simplify! How much in our lives, in our homes, do we actually use or need? I'm pretty sure my home doesn't need 20 pairs of tiny shoes, especially when there are definitely favorites being played here.

What about in my life? What if instead of a  "TO DO" list with all the things I need to do today, what if I made a "TA DA" list with all the things I have accomplished so far today?! What if the focus wasn't on what I still needed to do, how far I still needed to go, but the focus was then on what I have already done, how far I have already come?!

Often times, I feel like a video game hero (Link for example!) who has to get to level 100 to win the game. I'm so focused on where I need to go next and what I need to do still, that when I do level up (I'm level 31 btw) the thought that crosses my mind is, "Ooh yes, my lives are refilled, I can now go fight the big mega-boss at the Academy." When my first thought should totally be, "Oh wow, look at all I have done to get to level 31. Wow. Keeping those 2 monkeys alive has been so rough on me. Look at my clothes, there are bite marks on my clothes! I can't believe I survived, but it looks like Someone wants me to win, Someone wants me here."

There is so much more to life than what we need to do next. Seriously. Take a moment, to sit back and just soak in how far you've come. Look at all you have accomplished. You, my sweet friend, are a rockstar. You're freaking amazing. Brush off those shoulders, cuz you are totally a boss.

Now, if you can accomplish all that you already have, if you can survive all of THAT (whew, and it was a whole bunch!) than you, my awesome, amazing, rockstar, can totally rock whatever is coming next. You got this. You got mad skills. You have skills that I don't have, you shine with your own light, and the world needs your light. So shine, rockstar, SHINE BRIGHT!

Thoughts at 37,000 feet

So, as I sit here an a plane, somewhere over Nebraska, but next to my little and a very nice older man who Snapchatted the boarding process, I am thinking of Christmas with my family. Yeah, it's been a pretty rough, wild, crazy, and eventful 2017. So much has happened, and not all of it pleasant.

I'm reading a book on the plane, one I bought specifically so I could read it on the plane. I love the author, Gregg Luke, and I have become a fan of historical fiction, and a huge fan of LDS historical fiction, like retellings of the Book of Mormon. (Ok, they aren't retellings, they are just the same Book of Mormon stories, just with specific fiction details about the personalities of the characters.) I'm reading "The Hunter's Son" and I love it. A young Nephite is captured and sold into slavery. He keeps his hopes and his faith alive with the help of his friendship with another slave. Once they are separated, he spirals down to defeat and depression. He catches a glimpse of his reflection and doesn't recognize himself. He dives deeper into his life and thoughts and has an amazing discovery :

Just like following evil leaders, I knew that finding solace in sorrow broke the spirit, opening the door to emotional, spiritual, and even physical destruction... It had been a long time since I had opened my soul to God. I still believed in Him; I just didn't trust Him. I knew that God did not delight in the sorrows of men. But sometimes sorrow was the only thing that could bring us back to Him, because sorrow is a precursor to humility.

Wow!

*I knew that God did not delight in the sorrows of men. But sometimes sorrow was the only thing that could bring us back to Him, because sorrow is a precursor to humility.*

This helped me to look inside myself a little bit, and I realized that I am NOT a humble person. Yeah, sometimes I can be, but for the most part, I like people to see all that I am doing, see how hard I'm working. And I can honestly say, that when I'm doing things for ME, for the show of it, I feel awful. But when I'm out doing things for others, I feel great.

So I guess, my word for 2018 is HUMILITY. 

I guess we'll just see how this goes.

sleep change

So Shark and I are celebrating our 5th anniversary this year.

Boo-yah!

We're kinda excited. But also, it doesn't feel like it's been 5 years. Ok, let's face it, some days it feels like it's been 10 but some days it feels like it's been only a few months. Some days I look at Shark and say, "Man, we're married!!" Or other days I say, "Man, we're parents!! Wow!"

Either way, sometimes it just catches me off guard.

Anyways, my mom set up a vacation for us. We're going to a resort here in Utah for a few days. At first, I had worked it out with my sister, she'd come watch Danger while we were gone. Well, she bailed. She's going to visit our parents in Wisconsin, and then she's got school to finish before she moves. Sheesh, you think you know someone... Totally kidding.

So then I asked my other sister, the one who's out here for college. And she can't take miss those classes...

So then I asked my in-laws. They said yes, I knew they would.

But the reason I wanted my family to watch him : because they would stay at my house and watch him. He would be able to sleep in his own bed, be around his stuff.

Well, now that the in-laws are watching him, they will stay at their own house.

However, we've learned from past experience that Danger doesn't sleep other places real well..... So with all the things that contribute to it : we need to get Danger comfortable with sleeping some place OTHER than his crib.

So I set up his pack'n'play upstairs in his room, and he's been sleeping up there for the past 2 days. This is day 3. He's been sleeping at night up there and napping up there. But one thing I've noticed : one only sleeps for 1 nap! This is such a shock for me, because he has always taken 2 naps, 10:30-2 then 4-7.

I knew it would happen eventually, when I tell people he takes 2 naps, they are always surprised. So I knew it was only a matter of time.

This is week 3 of him going to nursery. In our Church the little kids go to a nursery, from ages 18 month to 3 years, where they start to learn the very basics (about Christ, they sing songs, learn to share, plus it's a very good social experience.) Well, week 1 was great, he went in a played and was fine. Last week, he was constipated and it was AWFUL!! He was so ornery, and cranky. He cried the entire time. This week, Shark is working, so it was just me - but still, he just goes in there and plays! But he cried again! So we left. (it bums me out cuz I was so stinking cute today!)

It has been so hard! I have NO idea what his deal was today. the only thing I can of is TEETH. And if it's teeth, then it's eye teeth! Which I hear is a pain! So yeah, I'm not excited about that.

Well anyways - I'll share some of the cute pics of my little bear.

ooh - poptarts!

fry sauce

 Family squish

 brushing those crooked teeth

 I had a cardiology check up - I had to bring him. He was only there to play. I had The Incredibles on my Kindle, he threw it. As soon as they started to hook me up to the EKG and he freaked. He cried the entire time. My cardiologist is a pediatric cardiologist too! Danger CRIED!! I'm ok, everything is ok!

 he got style

 chilling on the car while dad put on his sweatshirt

 eating an ENTIRE marshmallow

 oh funny!

 skinned his elbow, didn't cry, showed mom, got it kissed then went on to walk across the street

such a stud in his BACON tie!! yeah it was a rough day today

It's not always sunshine and rainbows, but man o man, do I love him!

Finding the strength

So some days it's hard to battle that inner voice that keeps telling me

"You're not good enough"

"You're doing it wrong."

"Are you sure that's how everyone else is getting it done?"

"That doesn't look like the tutorial."

The feeling of lacking and inadequacy is daunting.... I know I will never be a Pinterest Mom, and my house will never be that perfect Pinterest House.

A while ago, I got so annoyed with that. Knowing my house is probably always going look like a tornado blew thru it. There will probably always be laundry baskets sitting in the living room. Danger's shoes and toys thrown around. My table will probably always have a mismatched arrangement of forks and cups with some craft supplies for good measure, maybe even some socks, if I'm lucky. My counter will probably always have my crock pot, measuring cups, cookbooks and that loaf of bread or two on it.

I've slowly come to accept this. Why?

Because for the past little bit I have tried. Tried to keep everything clean, sorted and out of the way. And while I have been trying, I've noticed a few things.

1. I have more headaches.
2. I clench my teeth more.
3. I don't eat as much, like ever...
4. I yell more.
5. I've been more angry, for no stinking reason.
6. Danger has been in more trouble lately - not really, but I've been on edge and so "done" with everything

And I realized, I don't want to be "that" mom. The mad mom, the nagging mom, the pushy mom. I don't want Danger to be in trouble all the time. I don't want these headaches. I don't want to yell.

I want Danger to know I love him, know because I play with him, and dance with him and tickle him and be goofy.

Last night Danger woke up crying (I'm not sure if it's night terrors or something) but I went in there (Shark is dead to world when he's asleep!) and cuddled him up in a blanket and rocked him back to sleep. I stroked his hair to calm him down, and after about 5 minutes his sobbing had slowed to every few breaths. And then when I laid him back down, he was fine.

I want to share moments of mom victories like that. I want to share my love of this gospel with him. I want to share my love and appreciation for Temples with him. I want to share my love of movies and video games with him. I want to have fun always have him smiling.

Now, I know it's not possible to have him smiling all the time. But I'd like to make him a happy little boy.

I find my strength and knowledge that I'm doing things just right thru the gospel and my friends around me. I find comfort in reading the scriptures and listening to the words of the Prophet and His Apostles. I know that what I'm doing in my life is right for me, it may not be right by other standards and it may not be right anyone else, but I know it's right for me.

So if you're coming over to the house, don't be shocked if looks like we actually live here. I'll probably clean up a bit if you give me notice that you're coming.

I love that little man so much, and I love my little family. I want more than anything for my family and I to be happy. And if happy means a messy house, then by all means, our house is probably going to be the messiest on the block. Messy it will be, but you can bet, I know where everything is! (It always amazes Shark!)

I try to smile and make Danger smile each day. Find something to be happy about. Most days it's pretty easy to find something to smile about, some days it's kinda hard. But for the most part, that little guy makes it easy to smile. :)

And then, there are those little victories, like spelling inadequacy correctly on the first try!

St Pats and Fam

So I have had a St Patricks Day door decoration in my TO DO box for 3 years. Seriously. I had Shark make letters out of wire hangers, to spell LUCKY ME. Well, I finally found all the pieces got around to it.

It now hangs on my door for all to see just how dang LUCKY I am!

Also, where I hung up my decor to get pics, I found someone had a bit of RAGE to get out.

So my mom was here for a visit for Danger's Blessing. {In my church, we bless our babies around 3 months old, we give them a name, one they are known on the records of our church as (same as the one we call them by), and we bless them with things for this life. It's a very neat experience.}

She showed me that my youngest sibling is now a giant.

My almost graduated sister is a cute cheerleader.

And apparently laughs when other are feeling tortured...

And my youngest sister is awesome at making snowmen.

I was never that awesome at it, and I'm pretty awesome at making snowmen. ;)

Alright, and here are some pics of Danger with Grandma!

 Great Grandma got Danger a Peek-a-boo bear, usually he's surpised every time the bear moves, this time he was just staring that bear down!

We went for a walk today. Shark found a little pond on his way to school. We walked there, me, Danger, Shark and bandit. It was nice walk. It was lots of fun!

Love to all ♥

more food

So, I have been planning on making these for the Ward Halloween party tonight, for a while now. Ever since I got this little recipe book in the mail. Today, I made them, cuz the party is tonight.

I made Slim-Filled cupcakes!

And they are delicious! Although I am bummed about it, cuz I work tonight, so Shark will be dropping off my awesome cupcakes at the party, before he goes hunting with Steve.

POTD for 10/22/2010 is : my foil muffin cups! This was my first time using them for reals. My friend, Ang, used them and said they were the best thing ever. I bought some a while back cuz they were cheaper than the regular muffin cups. With the foil ones, you don't need a muffin tin, you just set up as many cups as you need onto a cookie sheet, and load them with the batter. It was pretty awesome to put 24 cupcakes on 1 baking sheet!

Off to work I go!

Love to all who love Halloween cuz it means LOTS OF SUGAR! ♥

Temple

Today, Shark woke up at the butt-crack of dawn, not unusual, just odd cuz today is Friday, he doesn't work at the abatement on Fridays.... But him and Steve were going to go fishing. Shark came home around 7:30 cuz the gate was closed on his fishing place... So we slept in until around 9:30 when we both jumped out of bed (ok, rolled out of bed) to get ready to go the temple. {Goal #12 : Go to the Temple at least once per month} and we made it to the Bountiful temple. There were all kinds of weddings going on today, which is always nice to go see... It reminds me of our day. ♥

Here's a picture of the Bountiful temple, I took this snapshot while standing in the middle of the road, and with my phone. And the flowers lining the "driveway" were absolutely gorgeous. There were 2 kinds I loved, tulips that looked like venus-fly-traps (they looked like they had teeth) <--- POTD.

And some red and white tulips.

POTD for 5.21.10 is : Temple flowers!! Look how awesome these are!

So far so good! Today has been a great day! I was a scorekeeper and supervisor for boys baseball tonight. The frist 2 games went off without a hitch, we had some coach come up and ask when we would cancel once it started to rain. I told him what I knew : We only cancel due to lightning and a dangerous infield. If there is NO lightning, then we continue playing until the infield becomes too slick and unsafe for the kids. We got about half way thru the 3rd game when the infield became too slick, so we postponed the end of that one. Shark came over to see me and his mom after work.

Love to all who love beautiful things ♥

Attempt to Church and FREE stuff

So, I got Shark to agree to go to the Young Married Ward on campus. So we got up yesterday morning, we got ready to go, and we headed out to Ogden. We ended up going to the wrong building, so we ended up leaving and going to the real building (I had me heart set on going to that ward, and no other wards would cut it for me!). We found the right building, it was a block south, just 1 block! And we got there just in time, but as we were walking in, there was a guy in the parking lot, who had locked his keys in his car... Shark and I both took notice that this guy would NOT be able to get his keys out himself, so helped. Well, I just kinda stood there, and dropped some advice every now and then. I also called the Ogden police, who are NOT open on Sunday, and they do NOT do lock-outs. So they were no help at all... But we eventually got this guy's door open. Another guy in the parking lot had an Air Wedge, and that cracked the door open just enough to fit the hangers in. We put 2 hangers (well, 1 hanger and our truck antena) in the crack and popped the lock up. By the time we were done with his car, it was too late to go into church... Plus, Shark has a cut on his hand, and it opened up, and got all over his white church shirt.... But we also saw one of Shark's friends, Nate, while we were at the church, Nate helped out tons to get into this guy's car. We chatted with him for a little while after the guy left. So we went back to the parent's house, and on the way, we saw a porch swing on the side of the road, and it said FREE on it. We love FREE stuff! So we talked to Steve & Heather about it, and we went and picked it up and took it to their house. They like it.

At the parents house, I made a pie, just like all the others I've made. And we finished Fablehaven #5, Keys to the Demon Prison. It was AWESOME!! I highly recommend the series to everyone who likes books. Next we are going to finish the book we started, Slathbog's Gold, we were half way into it when we got Fablehaven, and since Kurt is going to be working on Sunday's starting in May, we decided to read Fablehaven as fast as possible. After we finish Slathbog's Gold, we're going to read Peter & The Starcatchers. I'm excited for Peter & The Starcatchers, I just bought the 3rd book! I like the Peter books alot. :)

Ooh, if you're looking for FREE STUFF, go to Rachael Ray's magazine site HERE and enter in the Big Deals Sweepstakes. Join her little site, and then you can enter in the sweepstakes. She's giving away TONS of stuff, and I could love most of it!! ;) Also, you can subscribe to get her recipes emailed to you. I've found a few that don't seem too wacky, and aren't full of crazy hard to find things. So I'll be making some of those. If I find a whole bunch of recipes I like, I might have to up my goal count... So check out Rachael Ray's site, and get entered. :)

Love to all who LOVE free stuff!! ♥

New finds!

So in packing, I've been throwing out tons of stuff, and that means finding tons of stuff. For example, I found the photo of Shark and I on the cruise ship {our honeymoon!} and apparently I can't scan in it, I've still got to find the disk for the printer to upload that to the new computer.

But I did find how to create a heart on the computer, using the keyboard!!  If you go to this Yahoo Answers page, it's got all the info. I find I have to the hold the ALT and the FN key, hit the number I want {usually 3, on the number pad} and then let go of all the buttons. ♥ Ta Da!! So there you go.

Shark and I Nintendo'd after church today. It was pretty fun. We just completed level 3, meaning : we beat the game, but are now going back thru to get the star coins. :)

Today's POTD is : the leftover cookies we brought to church today, and my crown!!

We teach the 4-turning-5-year olds. They are so fun! We usually bring a treat, a coloring activity, and a game. That fills our time cuz the kids are always like "I got a puppy" "My mom loves cookies" "Yeah, my mom loves cookies too!!" "I have to go potty." "I have to get a drink" Today we made crowns that had tons of stickers on them (that's took up most of the time today, stickering the crowns) and the crowns said, I have been born of goodly parents. Cuz we talked about when Jesus was born. We have leftover cookies cuz Shark hasn't found them yet, and because the kids were stickering their crowns, no time for food when stickers are involved.

Oh, and here's one of the little dog. I was making the cookies today and opened the box, and Bandit took it right away. I then proceeded to put the box on his huge snoz.

Love -

We've been JAMMED

So, whenever we go over to Ang's, her littlest one Kai, always grabs my phone, holds it up to his ear and pretends to talk. I let him have my phone because it's hard to unlock, you've got hit the OKAY and then * or something, so he can't unlock it (usually), one day Ang started playing the music on there, and when Shark called in the middle of Kai "jam session" he handed me the phone and said 'Uh oh!' It was so cute! So I have been going thru my music on my iTunes (my library from work, I have tons of music...) and picking out songs that Kai would like. Also, I am censoring my tunes. I like some of the punk bands, and every now and then, a naughty word will slip in, if so, that song is OFF the list. (I don't want the kiddos learning words like that, from me, at least!) So, I will put these tunes onto my phone, and they can also be used as ringtones. I've got one of those Mini SD cards, and the bigger SD card that it fits in, it's a pretty neat set up. Saturday and Sunday, Kai just walked around with my phone almost the whole time. He's pretty dang cute. We'll see if we can get some good tunes for him. :) I think I've got the hook up with music.

So, tonight, I got home from work, and was getting things ready with my sewing machine. At Enrichment last night, we made baby blankets for vitims of fetal demise, when babies are still born, or die before full term. Some of the blankets were teeny tiny. It was a good activity. Thanks Ang for picking me up and getting me to go, it was a great night. I got my machine ready, switched out my black thread for white thread. As I was getting my machine ready, I put in the pink thread for the quilt I'm making, and quick sewed up the letters for the quilt. As I did this, Shark cooked dinner!! He made Spaghetti with venison meat sauce! It was delicious!! The letters turned out super freaking cute!! I took some pictures of the parts of the quilt, and showed some of my friends who are in to quilting. They liked it, I think. The quilt is about hald way, but I am super excited about it, it is really starting to turn out really really cute! At this point I just want to get it done, but we have so much going on, so many potential plans, that I can hardly sit down for 20 minutes to sew a bit. But I'm thinking this weekend I'll get some time, Shark is planning on going on hunting again, or at least Brett (his hunting buddy) is planning on going hunting with Shark this weekend. So that means, I get Saturday all to myself for sewing and crafting!!

Here's the POTD for 1.19.2010 : A picture of the quilt parts, not yet assembled, more in a pile-ish.

Love, girl & shark

12 Days of Blessings : Day 1

Day 1 : I am blessed to know the love and life of Christ, my Savior. I am so blessed to know Him and to know that He died for me, and that I may return to Him. I am blessed to know of Him, His birth, His life and His death. I am blessed to trust in Him and understand why He did what He did.

Thank you to all who have come into my life and all those who I have met. We are so blessed to know all of you and to have you as friends. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you are. We are blessed with your friendship.

Love to all, and peace and joy, hope that this feeling never leaves and is enjoyed throughout the year. - bry and mark

12 days of Blessings : Day 6

Day 6 : I am blessed with a belief, a knowledge in something. I believe in my religion. I am member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I enjoy my religion, and I enjoy the people I go to church with. I take comfort in knowing that no matter where I go, no matter which church building I go to, I will always learn the same thing, the doctrine doesn't differ or change from state to state or building to building. I know in my heart this gospel is true. I will not press my beliefs on anybody else, I don't think you're evil or a heathen if you don't believe what I believe. I will answer questions, but only if you ask. I believe that everybody has a right to believe what they believe, and in that stance, no one is wrong. You can't hate something for not believing what you believe. I take comfort in the blessings I have received from choosing to live the life I do. I know this gospel is true and I am so very blessed to have an eternal companion who stands next to me in all those beliefs.

Love always, bry and mark

Conference PodCast! Woot!

So, even though Mark and I went over to Gerrit and Angie's to listen to conference, and we get the Ensign magazine everymonth, I subscribe to the PodCast (for free!) and get the new conference edition every 6 months. (I also get the current Ensign edition on PodCast.) How awesome is it that I opened my iTunes Monday morning, to find the General Conference PodCast was ALREADY downloaded to my iTunes?! It was almost instantaneous! I love it! So I synced conference (and some books) to Mark's brick of an iPod, and he can ride around all day listening to it. So not only do we get the live internet feed and live satalite feed when the talks are being given, we also get the written word edition AND the PodCast to listen anytime we want to! I am so excited! We are so very blessed to live in a day and age where we can get the Prophets' words in so many ways! I feel so blessed for a husband who hands me his iPod and asks me to sync the Conference talks onto it! Some one who will read with me, the words they have spoken! So grateful for these men and the words they give us! (Plus, on the PodCast, you can totally skip the songs if you want to!! I like to listen to the music all at once, not mixed in the middle of the talks.) Yay!

Always, bry and mark