Thursday, April 24, 2014

10 things I say to my husband

I'm thinking of starting a weekly (or it end up being monthly) post called "10 Things" - I'll write about 10 things in my life. 10 things I can't live without, 10 things Danger broke, 10 things I love to eat, 10 things I think about in the car.... Here's the first try. 

So Shark and I have a very good relationship. We're very open about communicating and I think a big part of it is neither of us stews.  We don't just sit and boil in our thoughts, we don't stay mad for long. When mad or bothered, we almost immediately talk to the other. I love my husband very much, he has been there with me thru quite a lot in our 6 years of being together. He's an amazing man. We're both talkers, when we feel passionate about something we love to share it and discuss it. 

10 things I say to my husband :

1- I love you. This is a given. Of course we say "I love you" but Shark and I almost say it nonstop. We say it everyday to each other and to our children. When on the phone, we kinda use it as a filler for the dead air. But just because we say it all the time, doesn't make it mean less. Shark and I have both said, on different occasions, that we wish there was a stronger word. LOVE is great, but sometimes it doesn't feel like enough, it doesn't even begin to cover how I feel about him. The emotions are so great, the feelings so strong, and the only word I have to use is LOVE. So I use that word as much as I can. I want him to I know, to never doubt, to never ever let a day pass without my saying I LOVE YOU. 

2- How are you feeling. I have a big strong tough guy for a husband. He usually doesn't tell me when he's not feeling good. So I have to check in with him. I can usually tell if he's not feeling too hot, but sometimes he looks fine, but feels like crap. He usually tries to tough it out. And me, being his wife, who has migraines but nothing relieves the pain, so if he can take something and get feeling better, I want him to take it! Also, asking him how he's feeling is just more than just if he's sick. It's asking about he's feeling mentally, or about school, or work. I want to know if he's feeling worried or stressed, or if he's mad or sad. I want to make sure he's ok. 

3- What's your plan. My husband is a doer. He's always planning a trip or a project. If he's got a trip, I ask him what his plan is, when he's leaving, where he's going to be, when he'll be home, what he's planning in doing on the trip. I'm not trying to be nosy, but this is the husband who went on a Survival Camp last summer (3 days with NOTHING but the clothes on his back.) So yeah, I wanna know what his plan is. 

If he's got a project in mind, I want to know what he needs for it and what he's planning on doing out in the garage or wherever he'll be (he has a history of cutting himself, he jammed a screwdriver into his palm trying to use it as a lever last year.) I feel I should be prepared and at least be able to tell the authorities where he is, or how he cut himself. If needed. Besides, my husband does some pretty awesome stuff, I wanna know what he's doing so I can join in the fun, or at least support him!!

4- What do you need. This one also have different meanings. I always ask him what he needs for his projects and plans, for his clothes, or shoes, or food. I always try to make sure I have what he needs, he works kinda crappy hours and when he adds school into that schedule, he doesn't have time to get things himself. But I don't know what he needs unless he tells me. (I also have lots of stuff around the house, and sometimes I have exactly what he needs for a project. That way we don't buy extras!) 

Sometimes, I ask him what he needs from me. If he has something that he wants to do, I support him and encourage him. I think I'm pretty good about supporting him in his endeavors, but I still ask him what he needs from me. We also have an understanding, he's my out and I'm his. If there's something I don't want to do, I can use him as my excuse. Just as he can do the same and use me as an excuse. We don't do it often, but every once in a while, we need to. 

5- You are my everything. This is something we have said since we've been married. I don't know exactly where it started from but it's something both Shark and I say to each other. We got married in Utah, but moved to Colorado right after. It was just us. Neither of our families lived near us. We were married in June, in October we were told that I would need open heart surgery. He really is my everything. And I need him so much. We have been thru so much together, and I could not have made it thru everything with my testimony, my faith, my trust in God, my positive outlook, if I didn't have him next to me. And I know he could say the same. He is my best friend. He is my eternal companion. He is the love of my life. He is my soul mate. He is confidant. He is my cohort in crime. We are silly together. We laugh together. He is my everything. 

6- Yes. Shark does a lot of stuff. He's had motorcycles. He's been going paragliding. He's started MMA fighting. He goes fishing. He goes hunting. He buys guns. He usually asks me. And I say yes. Most of the time. I've learned it easier to say YES and have fun, than to say NO all the time. I'm learning this with Danger too. Now, Shark doesn't NEED my permission for anything, not really. Just as I don't really need his permission for anything. We're both adults. But if we want a harmonious marriage, asking the other how they feel about our choices is a good start. Shark and I pretty much say yes to everything, but it's a good thing to ask the other anyways. 

7- Here's what I'm thinking. I know it's kinda redundant to say that Shark and I are talkers. I'm not trying to say that Shark is all "touchy-feely" but we talk about everything. One thing he says he likes about me is that I tell him what I'm thinking and what I mean. I said it before, we don't stew. We don't boil in our anger, our emotions are right on the surface. We tell each other exactly what we're thinking. I'm usually more willing to share, I have to sorta prod Shark a bit but it doesn't take much. 

8- Tell me what you heard. This is one of my most favorite things Shark has ever said to me. After he proposed, I was figuring out what style of dress I wanted, if I wanted one with a high back or a lace-up back that would show one of my tattoos. I told him that I was wanting the lace-up back. He said he wasn't sure that he wanted me to show my tattoo. I immediately went quiet, and that's when he asked, "Tell me what you heard when I said that." I responded that with him not want to show my tattoo, I felt that he was ashamed of me. I had overcome a lot (consequences of my own choices) to be married in the temple, and if my Heavenly Father could forgive me, than no one else's opinion mattered as I walked out of the temple, sealed to my companion for time and all eternity. 

We all know that what we say isn't always what the other hears, in fact it's sorta rare to have no other meaning taken. This has become one of the most important phrases in our relationship. It helps open up the conversation for so much more than the initial words and thoughts. This phrase has helped us to completely understand what the other means, and it also helps clear the air so no emotions are hidden away or bottled up. 

9- What are you thinking. NOT negative!! Not meant like "What were you thinking?!" That is not how this is meant. I mean it like, when Shark has a contemplative look on his face and I want to know if it's him trying to figure out his propeller rotation or if he's mad about something. Sometimes someone just needs to ask what's on your mind to open the door for a longer conversation. Sometimes someone just needs to ask you what's on your mind to remind you that they care about you, that they're thinking about you. And sometimes, just knowing that someone is thinking about them and caring about them is enough to open the flow of communication. Is enough to open the heart and the mind to that someone else. 

10- I appreciate you. This one is important. I've come to understand that hearing that you're appreciated goes a long way, it can be the words that change your whole day around, it can be what pulls you out of that depressed funk. It's important to see how hard you work, either as a stay at home mom, or a working dad, but when you see how hard you work, you hopefully will see how hard those around you work. Shark works 12 hour shifts, and when he's going to school, he works nights. He works so hard, he studies so hard - but he works so hard for us, for his family, for me. I tell him all the time how much he means to me, how much I appreciate all he does for me, how grateful I am for him, how I can see how hard he works. I tell him. I make sure he knows these things. That he knows I see it, I see all that he does. I tell him how grateful I am for him, for how hard he works, for his determination, and for how he takes care of me, of us. It's important. It is soooo important for him to hear this. So important for him to hear this from me. 

BONUS- I'm a doer, and a control freak. I don't think I'm way crazy with either but I understand they are dominant characteristics. Sometimes, I'll ask Shark if he needs something and he'll say no, but I'll end up getting it for him anyway. Looking back at it, he could take it as I don't trust him to know what he wants or needs. He knows what he needs and wants, he knows. I can do that for Danger and The Colonel, get them things they don't think they need or want, but not my husband. Unless it's like deodorant or socks, then I just do it anyway. :) 

I say lots of things to my husband, and he says lots of things to me. The point is : we talk, we say things to each other. Those are my 10 things for this week, month.... 

This momma is so in love!!

1 post-its:


I like this! I've said a lot of these regularly, but I really like "Tell me what you heard" because it's so easy to forget that what you say doesn't always come across as you intend. Being able to figure out what was heard can often fix a problem before it really becomes one. :-)