Monday, June 20, 2011

opening up

Ok, so I have come to realize that I'm outgoing-ish and kind of a nerd. I'm a follower, but I've always known that. Here is why I am the way I am.

I was born in 1987, with a heart condition. Transposition of the great arteries. Here's the easiest way to tell people so they understand. My heart was born backwards. In normal functioning hearts : the function of the right side of the heart  is to pump the de-oxygenated blood from the body into the lungs. The left side pumps oxygenated blood from the lungs into the out to the body.
In my heart, the roles are reversed. The left side pumps the blood to the lungs and the right side pumps the blood to the body. Meaning my right side is doing really hard work it's not made for.

When I was 2 years old, (1989) the doctors went in and performed a Mustard procedure via open heart surgery. They created little traffic tunnels for my blood to flow thru so I would get the right amount of oxygenated blood to my body.

I went to the doctor's every year from then on. I always went to the Pediatric Cardiologist, there were no adult doctors for patients with my condition, because there were no adult patients with my condition.

Now, I'm 2nd oldest os 6 kids. I was born and raised in Wisconsin. We were raised in the LDS Church, and had come to enjoy going. In middle school, I kinda fell off the wagon, I guess you could say. I had no idea what I wanted to be or who I really was. I struggled for a long time. In high school, I had some good friends, but again, I was a follower. I did whatever they wanted me to. I had so much fun going out with them and staying out all night and drinking. In high school, I had figured out I wanted to work with computers, not just work with, but be a drafter. I dated a few guys who I thought I was in love with and who I thought was in love with me. (They proved me wrong, on both sides, BIG TIME.) I got my first tattoo just after I turned 18.

In 2005 I headed out West to go to BYU-ID, which I failed at horribly. I was asked to leave beacuse I didn't follow the Honor Code at all, due to drinking and boys. After getting kicked out, I moved in with my aunt in Utah for a few months. I got my 2nd tattoo while staying with her. Moved out to some of those month-to-month rent places until my car died in fall of 2006. I moved back home to WI.

In Spring of 2007, I got a job offer back in Utah. I drove back out West. I felt like I needed to be there. Like I was going home. I started going back to church. I knew I needed to change/fix things. I met a boy on a blind date. I thought we fell in love. Until I revealed my past to him, told him I wasn't ready to get married.

Summer 2007 : I started going to a single's ward, and met the boy who would forever change me for the better. We were night hiking (I don't hike, see heart condition above) and he went to the activity because a date cancelled on him. He has one of those personalities where you can't tell if the people around him are good people or if they're good people because they are around him. I wanted to a good people, so I started hanging out with him. One day at church, he jumped in my truck and asked for a ride home (2 blocks away). We exchanged numbers and started dating.

Early 2008, we went snowboarding (which I am still not good at) and he asked me to marry him. In November of 2007, I had my first Temple trip in over 4 years. I was ready to marry him. I said yes. He knew everything about me. I told him right away about my tattoos and how I was working on going back to the temple. He understood, and held my hand and gave me a hug. He said he loved me for me, for everything I was and everything I am.

In June of 2008, we were marriend for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple (every out-of-Utah Mormon girl's dream is to get married in that temple), surrounded my his family and mine.

In Fall of 2008, 3 months after getting married, I went in to the doctor's because I had had a migraine for a solid month. I wanted to figure out what was going on. They did a bubble study (where they shoot a tiny amount of tiny bubbles into your vein to see how they flow thru your heart) some of the bubbles went one way and a few went a different way. That's how they discovered I had a hole in my heart.

In early 2009, I went in for my 2nd open heart surgery. I didn't have a 3 CM hole like the doctor's thought. The hole ended up being about a 2 IN gap in between the chambers of my heat. (So, NO blood was NOT pumping to the rest of my insides.) They fixed it.

In March 2011, we found out I'm pregnant with our first child. After a little bit of a heart scare in May (atrial flutter, resulting in a electric shock of my heart the day before Mother's Day) everything is perfect. My heart is fine, baby boy is doing good.

Yesterday was our 3 year anniversary. Everything we have gone thru, all my medical issues and past mistakes on both sides, we have such a strong relationship. I could not imagine being where I am right now, if I had married anybody else. He is my everything and I need him.

You know how people always say "I don't know where I'd be today if I didn't have the gospel." I know exactly where I'd be. I'd be sitting in a bar, my mom would be watching my kids, and I'd still be searching for someone to really love me. I know exactly how my life would have turned out.

I believe in second chances (or 3rd or even 4th!) because that is what I got. I believe in having to figure out what makes you happy first and formost, before you can even think about making someone else happy. You have to love yourself before you can love anybody else. The easiest way to be happy and love yourself is to know that the Saviour loves you, no matter what. I found the path I'm supposed to be on, and I'm grateful that Shark is on this path with me. I believe in me.

So there, that's me opening up. That's my story. That's why I am the way I am.

Love to all who have their own story! ♥