Thursday, January 23, 2014

Happy new year

With the hustle and bustle from Christmas over, with wrangling a 2 year old thru airport security and fencing him into his seat on the plane done, with school starting back up, with January almost over - I heave a small sigh of relief and fall into "my" spot on the couch. I didn't say I fell gracefully, cuz let's face it, nothing I do lately is graceful. I think I'm down to the 9 week countdown. 

We left the house a mess with wrapping paper and boxes all around. We got home just to add suitcases and more toys to the mix. Our kitchen table is still stacked with gifts that haven't found a home yet. Meh. I did take down the Christmas tree (yesterday) and got out some valentines day stuff. Danger is having fun playing with my assortment of blocks that say LOVE, the little mailboxes I got when we lived in Colorado, and some little glittery red boxes that spell LOVE. I don't think I've seen any of the sets together for a while but I'm not worried, I'm pretty sure they were dollar section specials. 

I had a meltdown at the beginning of the month. "I'm not ready for this baby! There is still so much I need to do! I have to buy so much!" Yes, I am ready. Sort of. I don't have a whole lot to do, just make some blankets. There is nothing really for me to buy. We have a car seat, we have clothes (holy cow! I have TONS of clothes, some Danger didn't even wear!), and bottles and binkies. We have everything for when we had Danger. I don't need to buy anything. I do buy little diapers when I go to the store sometimes, but we're pretty set on that one too. I don't know how long he'll wear each size. I don't know how big he'll be. I can't buy formula yet, I don't know what he'll drink. Besides, I've got 2 months! Basically, the only thing I can buy, and need to, is more Zantac, this kid gives me such bad heartburn. I have been thinking about buying a new diaper bag. But, I think I'll hold off and see. I really like the one I have. 

My emotions have been crazy. Like way crazy. Shark and Danger have been suffering from it. Sometimes, other people suffer too. I lash out and explode at the littlest things. I feel like I'm on the edge of burning the world or bursting to tears. I think I was emotional when I was prego with Danger but not to this extreme. Shark picked the perfect time to go back to school and work nights. ;) He gets the summary of my craziness, and he gets it told to him when he's coming home from work and is half asleep. So I don't think he hears all of it. Oh well, it's for the best. He's been wonderful and supportive when he does have to listen to all of it. I also have started warning him, telling him I'm in a cranky mood, or weepy or angry. I think he appreciates that. 

I've been trying to take a step back from seeing all the messes and mistakes, and focusing on my little man. I've got 9 weeks left of just me and him. I don't want to spend it with me hollering at him to pick up his cars or stop throwing his apples. I've been trying to play with him. Snuggle with him. Talk with him. Read with him. Tickle him. I've been trying to just be with him. He really is a good boy, and I need to remember : HE'S TWO! He doesn't listen to everything I say. He's into copying me, his favorite is NO. He doesn't understand everything I say. He's got a mind of his own. He doesn't know what things are called. I can't expect him to follow my marching orders if he doesn't understand them! He's an awesome little man who is figuring out the world. And he's enjoying it. I can only ask that he holds my hand and I get to follow where he goes. In our home is where he can make mistakes and make messes. It's his place of refuge. It should be his place for fun. We've been working on it lately. I've been trying to better about making it his place of refuge. Somedays are better than others. 

I love my little family and am way excited to add one more crazy little boy to the mix. I'm pretty sure this one is crazy, he never stops moving, unless Shark or Danger have their hands on my belly to feel him. I love them so much and my heart is full to the brim. I cannot image finding enough love to go around. Just like I couldn't image how much I'd love Danger, I can't imagine how much I'll love the Colonel. When I married Shark, I was filled with love, it was all for him. When we found out we were pregnant, I couldn't imagine loving anyone as much, how was I going to find enough love for this little person? But Danger came, and my love for Shark didn't lessen, didn't get cut in half, it grew, the love for my boys grew. It is the same with this little guy. I can't imagine where this love is going to come from, but I know I'll find more than enough love for him too. (I'm not sure if any of that sense, but mom's understand.) 

Ok- here's what you've been waiting for. 

Say what?!
Sad face
She's a great pillow now!
Oh no
She's getting me
Oh yeah- take it in, ladies
Getting all spiffed up
He climbed into the crib... Not sure how. 
Me at 28 weeks. 
While in WI a friend took this snapshot of our sweet little family. 

One moment at a time. 

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