Saturday, October 25, 2014

Good morning Saturday

Just like everyone else on the planet, I'm afraid I'm a little addicted to my phone. I'm always browsing Facebook, surfing Pinterest, playing games.

But I'm also always snapping pictures, taking videos, posting photos, documenting my little boys and the things we do each day. (They absolutely LOVE to see themselves in photos and videos.)

I decided I need to take a break from Facebook for a bit.

There are so many other things I should be doing rather than be on Facebook. I should be cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, playing with the boys, exercising, making some of my craft orders. The list goes on and on.

I have been feeling super stressed lately. Not stressed about any one thing in particular, more like everything in general. We've been potty training Danger, beyond stressful because he gets it, but uses it as a weapon to get out of doing things mom asked him to do. The Colonel started crawling, way stressful cuz now I have to really make sure all the stupid little toys are off the floor.

I feel this need to keep up with everyone. I know, its completely self-imposed. It is my family, my life, my house, my kids and what we do is what we do. There's not even a scale to compare ourselves with others. WHY DO WE KEEP THINKING THERE IS?!? Seriously. I wish I could take a break from that, cuz that's what I really need.

I feel like I have been struggling so much lately. Struggling mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Mentally, there are things I want to do and I know I should do them but I can't seem to make myself do them. Also, my brain has been having really dumb thoughts, that don't even make sense honestly, thoughts that completely contradict reality and what I know. But for some reason, I can't shake these thoughts. Physically, I desperately want to lose this baby weight. I know what I have to do, it's just getting up and doing it. Emotionally, I've been angry lately. At everything. I hate being angry. I shouldn't be angry or sad. I have an amazing life. I should be happy, but I can't seem to be happy. Spiritually, I feel a disconnect. It breaks my heart, I love my faith, I see the effects of my faith in my life and I am thankful for them. But I feel disconnected in some ways. It could be the lack of belonging. I'm not even sure.

I know, I know. Life is what you give, what you put in. But it's hard. I'm trying to take small steps. I've already talked to Shark about all of this.

We've been listening to hymns during the day. I even bought some CDs to listen in the car. I still yell at other cars, but not as much. And I haven't been yelling at Danger lately. Well, as much. I've been burst out laughing a few times. It's been refreshing to laugh and giggle rather than holler at him. He ends up laughing too. Which makes it so much better when no one is crying.

Anyways, I guess it's just been hard lately. I know I'm not the only one to feel it. I'm not looking for anything from this blog, besides a place to write it all down. Maybe I just want to prove that our life isn't just smiles and giggles, that we're just people too.

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