Monday, October 27, 2014


It's what we all seek. We want to be happy. We want to not be sad or feel like crap. I believe it is our natural deposition to be happy. I know that sounds weird, especially since there is so many of us who suffer from depression and anxiety. The world is a depressing place. But I also know that we were made to have joy. (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:25 "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.") 

Life isn't about suffering thru, it's about enjoying the journey. Yes, it's hard, but there is so much good. 

I love being a mom. But when I was little, it's not what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to create things, big buildings, cars. I wanted to design things, I wanted to be in charge. I did that for a little while, and then became a mom. We have been so blessed that Shark's job supports us and I can choose to not work outside the home.  

Being a mom is hard. It's mostly lots of good days, with random bad moments. Bad, frustrating, overwhelming, trying... How ever you want to say it. For the most part, I'm happy. I'm a happy mom who loves playing with her happy kids. But, there are times when it's really hard for the happy to shine thru all that frustration, thru the overwhelming feeling of it all. Sometimes, that overwhelming feeling lasts for days, and it ends up spilling over into other parts of my life. 

Being happy is something, that at some point in each of our lives, we have to really focus on being. I feel like I'm at that point now. I think The Colonel might have pulled the happy out of me when he was born. 

I still struggle with the emotions from the c-section and I can't seem to find the words to even try to explain it to Shark. I end up stammering every time I try to talk about it.

I've been struggling a bit this last week with something said over the internet. Now, I like the internet. I shop, and search, and answer the questions my in-laws have. It's how I keep tabs on my football team and how I keep in touch with my family in WI. I Facebook, instagram, blog, and Pinterest. I enjoy it. 

But I hate how some people have come to think their opinion is law. I've been down in the dumps this week because some people said some things that made me feel inferior, like my opinion was wrong. And I know, I can't control what people say, just how I feel. But it's hard to let those things roll off your shoulder. 

At church on Sunday, I was searching for peace, to have my heart softened and to let it go. (Elsa makes it seem so easy to do, but this momma has no ice castle.) And as soon as I sat down in class, it hit me. Be happy. 
Be happy. 

What does that even mean?! 

The thoughts and feelings continued to flow to my mind and heart. You can only make sure you, yourself, is happy. Then worry about making others happy. "Adjust your own mask before assisting others." 

I need to focus on my own happiness, and the happiness of others will follow. I'm not meaning focus on myself in a selfish way, because when I start to list off things that make me happy, it's all being and doing things with other people. 

But I also need to surround myself with people who are going to lift me up. And I think I do. Everyone I know, lifts me to be better. But I don't need to feel like crap. I shouldn't allow myself to feel like crap, or be treated like crap. 
Sometimes I feel like I go off on some wild tangent and there's no connecting thought to these posts.

I guess what I'm trying to say is :

Be happy. Don't let others into your life who make you feel like crap. Enjoy the journey that God has put you on, and know that it ends well. Your opinion matters, but it's not fact. There's gonna be a lot of crap in our lives, just scroll past it. Find what makes you happy and share it with the world. 

Yup. No connecting thought at all. 
I posted pictures of my boys, cuz they make me so happy, most of the time. 

Find your joy. 

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