baby dos is......

So this is basically just going to be a photo dump.

 We found out what baby dos is! Danger is getting a little brother!

I made this hat for Danger last Halloween, I also made a big Mario hat for Shark, Shark went as big Mario, Danger went as little Mario. I pulled out the hat to make a little Luigi hat, Danger started wearing it all over!

We're excited for the Little Brother. It's been fun thinking about this little boy!! 

 We had some friends come and take some pictures of Danger for his 2nd birthday. He was a little tornado, he hardly sat still long enough for her to get a shot! But she got some great ones!!

 Danger and I flew to WI for a week, my little sister Alexa got married, and we left Shark a care package for the week. We gave him gift cards for food and lots of snacks. And we also wrote him some letters. Dad survived and so did we!

Lots of love - lots of happiness!

And this week

Well this week has been the same as other weeks I suppose. The beginning at least.

Shark and I went on a double date on Tuesday. It was really nice for us to go on a date. Lately our dates have had a 3rd wheel. It's not that we can't find someone to watch Danger, it's just that lately our dates have been sort of spur of the moment. We just sorta get in the car and go. 

Then Wednesday, The Headache hit me. It was the worst headache I've had since before the heart surgery! I haven't had a bad one like this in a long long time!! Thursday I went to the chiropractor and the crick in my neck went away, but the headache stayed. Today (Saturday) is day 4 of this blasted headache. Day 4 of the aura, of the lightheaded ness, of the dizzy spells, of the pain. Ugh. I can tell you, after I went to the chiropractor, the pain changed. I don't know how to explain it, it's like it went from an external pain that can be fixed to an internal pain that I just have to deal with. I've been dealing with headaches for a long long time. Thank goodness I have a flexible schedule and am able to just hang out on the couch with Danger. 

Friday I went to drop off stuff at the DI, then ran to Walmart, and I ended up parking next to a friend of mine! So we hung for a while that day. Her youngest son is 2 months older than Danger. I decided I needed something else to do so I thought I'd make some "calm down bottles" I found on Pinterest. 

The pink and purple don't have the stickers off yet, and I have to use goo-gone to get the sticker residue off the blue and green. I took SmartWater bottles, bought way more glitter than I'll ever need, and some tacky gel glue. I used hot water, poured the glue in first to mix it in, then dumped copious amounts of glitter in. Then, since super glue didn't keep the lid secure I used Gorilla glue. They last for about 3 minutes. 

I've been working on Christmas presents, wedding presents and baby gifts. My sister is getting married next week. (I KNOW!!!) And so I've been working on getting something together for them.  Danger and I are flying back to WI for the reception. It'll be his first time on an airplane. He's going to sit on my lap, he won't be 2 yet, so he'll be free. We're bringing a portable DVD player and plenty of fruit snacks. Grandma and grandpa are so excited to see him. 

This kid is why I can never find my cans of food!

Peace love and cheesy grins!

Me - 16 weeks. 

Week rewind

So this is how the past two weeks have gone. Ok maybe it's the past 3 weeks, I don't really remember. In fact, lately I don't really remember anything.

I was at a stop light and I turned and saw my "not-so-flexible" son licking his knees. Not sure why or even how, but he was doing it. 

I was buying a plank of wood for a craft project. I learned : a 12 foot board is 2 inches too long to fit in my Durango and I'm stronger than I look and feel. 

We don't go to the park very often but when we do, Danger gets his full of the swings. He would never leave the swings or the slide, ever!!

This happened. And then an hour later this happened...

He fell/jumped off a bunk bed and broke his collar bone. He was the saddest little guy I ever saw. 

So sad. He would only leave the brace and wrap on when he slept. He tears it off if he's not sleepy or snuggly. 

But him being snuggly means I got lots of pics of me and him together. And even tho he's been hurting, he's still full of smiles. So much cheese in this little guy. 

He awful cute when he's playing with Bandit. He pets him, rides on him, jumps on him, and plays with his ears. It sure is cute to watch. And Bandit is so good about just letting Danger mess with him. 

The cousins playing together at grandma's. I told them to say CHEESE. I had random shouts of cheese follow me the rest of the night. 

There have been tons of smiles, even tho he's been in pain for a few days. He's still my little ham!

Momma closed her eyes for one of shows. He figured out how to swipe open my iPhone AND he figured out how to swipe the camera open!! I got quite a few pictures of him just cheesing it up for the camera. 

We went to ComicCon and Danger dressed up as Dr. Horrible, I went as Penny, and Shark went as Captain Hammmer. I think he's a dead ringer for Dr. Horrible!

Little man snaked a loaf of bread and devoured it. Not before showing us his cheese! Lately he's been squinting his eyes like crazy when he shows us his cheese. He's pretty silly. 

I've been feelin kinda stressed with this pregnancy. Well, not the pregnancy so much, it's the end result. I'm stressed about having 2 children. I know every mom goes thru moments where she feels inadequate and doubtful of her mom-hood. I've been feeling that a lot lately. 

And this is NOT me fishin for compliments. Somedays I know I'm a good mom the Danger. But I'm still worried about being a good mom to 2 of them. 

When I look back, I felt nervous when Shark and I got married. But once it was all done, things fell into place, we got into sync and it was as if we had always been married. I felt this same nervousness when I was pregnant with Danger. But after he'd been with us for a while, it all fell unto place, we got into sync and it was as if he had always been with us! I'm hoping its the same way with this child. 

I struggle with my own humanness a lot, my emotions and my reactions. But I've been working on it. I know I'm not the only mom who deals with this, I know I'm not alone. And I also know, I'm a good mom. I do what I can, yeah, it's not everything you see on Pinterest. But I do my best. I do what I can for my family. 

The thin I think I look forward to the most is this : 

When it'll be me and this guy and another little face squished in there! I look forward to just watching my kids, just hanging out with them. We are truly blessed with Shark's job cuz I'm able to stay home with my kids! 

I really am excited, just nervous of my own flaws. But I know with the help of family, friends, and my Heavenly Father, I know I can be the best mom I can be!!! 

Not dead just pregnant

Oh man, I know it has been a while. Everytime I feel sorta up to writing a post, I end up losing a battle with my laziness. Sorry.

Shark started school again last month. Which means he also switched back to the night shift. His schedule goes like this:

-Monday : school from 9:30 to 2:00pm. He gets there early to study and do homework. No work. 

-Tuesday : no school. No work. Homework/catch up day. 

-Wednesday : school from 9:30 to 4:30pm. He has to leave right from school to make it to work on time at 6:30p. 

-Thursday : he gets off work at 6:30am then he catches the train home and gets home usually around 8:30am. He goes right to sleep. Wakes up around 3:00pm to bath and eat. Then he catches the 4:00pm train back south. Work at 6:30pm. 

-Friday : off work at 6:30am then hops the train back up north. Gets to school around 8:30 and studies until his first class at 9:30am. School until 1:30. He comes home, catches an hour and a half nap then he's awake at 3pm to bath and eat. Heads back to the train. Work at 6:30pm. 

-Saturday : off work at 6:30am. Drives the car back home. Sleep all day. *Every other Saturday he wakes up around 3:00 pm to drive back to work by 6:30pm. The train schedule is different on Saturday so he drives. 

-Sunday : every other Sunday he gets home from work around 8:30am. He tries to be up and go to church with us but sometimes it's either he sleep at home and get good rest or sleep at church. So he sleeps at home. 

So yeah, I don't see a whole lot of him when he's on nights. But he's getting his school done which is important. With him riding the train this semester he's able to sleep or study on the train. So instead of JUST driving to work, he's able to utilize every minute o his day. Hopefully he'll be healthier this year than he was last year.

I told him he picked the perfect time to get me pregnant, he'll be gone all day everyday until after this baby is born!! He laughed. But it just means Danger gets the brunt of my crankiness, sorry little man. He's a fighter tho. Usually after I holler at him for something he comes up and pats me on the head or the shoulder and lays down on my lap.

I've been working on being better and not so cranky. I have been having crazy realistic pregnancy dreams! Like I wake up crying and then when I fall back asleep, I fall right back into the dream. They have been awful and real feeling! So on top of being crazy emotional and crying at anything (I even cried during an episode of Castle!!) now I've been even worse and teary-eyed all day cuz these dreams are so bad!

Anyways - but we're not dead. We've taken a step back this week, like retreated into our house. Danger fell off the bunk bed ladder and broke his collar bone! So we've been hanging around the house all day. I've still been babysitting, but at least I can keep an eye on Danger. I haven't let him out of my sight since Monday, when he fell. I have been crazy mom! And, it doesn't help that they pain killers he's on have made him constipated. So my little strong man is hurting all over. And it breaks his momma's heart.

So yeah - we're not dead - Shark is working/learning, Danger is just hanging in there, and the momma is just crying!! :)

Things I've learned

Ok so there's loads I know now that I didn't know before I became a mom. Some of these lessons were a hard learn. Some were sorta easy. Some just happened. Most of them were trial and error. But all of them have helped me be a good mom.

It's ok to throw out the medicine cups that come with EVERY bottle of medicine. I don't need 30 of them!! I keep the hard plastic ones, and toss the flimsy ones. My silverware drawer has never been happier. Same goes for medicine bottles! I'm tossing those things out!!

It's also ok to throw out dishes. We have a nice 4 place set and we also have a really nice 10 place set that I only use on holidays (when I remember!) but all other days of the week we have the plastic ones from Walmart. I can get 4 cups, or plates or bowls for $1. Each year I buy a different color. Last year was green, this year is orange. After a year of us sawing them with steak knives and microwaving them, they NEED to be tossed. And they are way easy to clean!!

Sometimes movie days are awesome. When I've got a deadline and I have to get something finished, I know I can pop in The Incredibles or Wreck it Ralph and I know Danger will sit and watch them in their entirety. On a good day, he'll watch them both, back to back. I get LOADS done on those days. They don't happen too often, I don't want those movies to lose their magic!

Some days, I struggle, and I've only got 1 child. Man oh man, if I have a hard time, that mom I see with 3 kids must a rough day like every other day!! We all have it hard, being a mom is the hardest job, except maybe mining coal or being an underwater welder... 

Sometimes all I need is to talk to an adult and have them listen, answer questions, and, you know, NOT ignore me. Let's  face it, talking to children all day is tiring, both mentally and emotionally. Having even the smallest amount of adult interaction is so beneficial! Even if its the cashier at Walmart or the person on the other end of the order at the drive thru! I've been trying to reach out to my fellow moms and say "Hey! How are you doing?" cuz sometime, that's what that mom really wants, really needs. 

Mommas can always use a friend. Say hi, have your kid wave to theirs, compliment her shoes, go on walks, drop a text to say hey, go out to lunch at a restaurant with a play place, go to the park, go get a Slurpee, go to the store, invite her over to watch a movie, teach her something, learn from her. Try a find a way to reach out to the fellow mommas in your area. It won't hurt anything, and you might find a really good friend or 2. Plus it'll give you time to relax, both o you, and it'll also give you that much needed adult interaction. 

Next thing : stinky bums. We can tell the kid has a messy butt. Seriously, we can tell, we can smell them from like 5 feet away. I have 1 child, and if something stinks in the house, it's usually him. This is all true, then why, oh why, do I ALWAYS stick my nose right up to his bum and take a big ol' whiff??? I've been trying to not get so close to sniff him. Cuz if he's messy, I don't need to be a 1/2 inch away! I did it again this morning! I swear I almost died! 

You can pick what your kids watch, unless you give them the free choice. Danger is still to little for choices, he's got no idea what I mean when I say pick one. So I pick. I pick Jake and the Neverland Pirates or Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. He doesn't know what Barney or Yo Gabba Gabba is, cuz I don't want to watch them. I've seen clips of them and cannot tolerate those songs playing over and over. So I pick what he watches. Now, I'm always sure to pick something within his age bracket and learning, and something that will capture his attention. Thankfully there are lots of shows out there that fall within those categories. And every once in a while, we throw in some old school shows, like Chip N Dale and Ducktales and He-Man. He enjoys those too. Yeah, ok so I know it's a little selfish, but momma has to keep her sanity!

It's ok, I know I use as little effort as possible. I know it, and it's ok. Danger has more energy than a Red Bull factory. I wish it could transfer to me, but it can't. We've blocked off the kitchen and upstairs rooms. He has free reign of the living room and his bedroom. I try reall hard to keep anything destroy-able OUT of the living room. Because if it can break, he will break it. Plus it helps me, so I don't have to chase him every minute and I don't have to follow him saying NO all the time. Part of me still uses my pacemaker as an excuse, and that's true sometimes. But for the most part, I want him to explore everything! And he does! He's into everything. And that's ok, he's learning about his world, and his momma lets him. 

It's all about the reaction. Danger loves putting on a show. He loves being cheered and clapped at and high-fived. If he falls down, he might start the pouty-face but we start clapping him and cheering for him he instantly perks up and keeps running. I've learned the kids (or anyone) can't be sad when they are being cheered! You can't be sad when everyone is telling you how awesome you are! If we react "oh no, that's so sad, oh you're hurt, are you ok? come here I'll give you a hug" he cries even more than just being hurt. He milks it for all it's worth. So we react with awesomeness and he goes on being awesome.

It's ok to use your child as a napkin. If I get something on my hands, I wipe it on his shirt. I have taught him to wipe his hands on his own shirt, he does it when I ask him and when he's got something on his hands.... So if I've something on my hands that I don't want to wipe on my clothes (yes that's how I roll...) and then it just melts into the mess on his shirt. Yup... today I even wiped my face on his shirt... I found a relatively clean-ish spot and wiped the pizza sauce from my face...It's ok.

Ok, we're expecting our 2nd here come March... And for a long while I was against having 2 so soon. I knew if I had 2 kids a year apart or something crazy like that I would go insane. I honestly don't think I would be able to handle 2 kids so close together. Shark and I had talked about it and we decided to start trying again when Danger turned 18 months. Well, in January I had a change of heart. If you did the math, you know that Danger wasn't 18 months old until May. After the initial happiness, excitement, surprise - I kinda went into shock a bit. But we wouldn't have tried for another if Shark and I weren't comfortable with having 2 running around. A friend shared this blogpost on Facebook, it's a post from The Shortstop blog. It is seriously, such an awesome post. It's a feel-good mom post. It helped me out so much! It was so good!

And guess what, I'm still learning!!

hmmmm decisions

So, we have been going thru a decision process....

So, ever since I had Danger, I knew I wanted time before I had the next one. I was terrified about having kids too close together. Not afraid for them, but for me. I knew it in my mind that I wouldn't be able to handle it (mentally, emotionally) if I had my kids close together.

By close together, I mean, 2 kids under 2 kind of close....

So once we had Danger, Shark and I started talking immediately about the next one (I'm pretty sure EVERY couple talks about the next one, after they have the 1st.... right?) and we decided to wait until Danger was about 18 months before we started trying for #2.

So, sometime in January it hit me. The baby bug. Thoughts of babies consumed me. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I turned, there were babies. Every thought that popped into my head, babies. Even while watching TV, babies. Going to sleep at night, babies. I took it as a sign that maybe we should rethink our decision. (I like to think that if something consumes me that much, it's not my own thoughts, but inspiration...)

So we started praying, trying to figure out what to do. We listed PROS and CONS, we went back and forth. Should we wait, should we start now.... Is the timing right? Should we wait until he's 18 months and then start? Should we wait and try to pay off a little more debt? Should we wait until Danger is a little older?

Well, we kinda threw all caution to the wind and in February, I stopped taking my birth control. I had an appointment with my cardiologist back in November, and after checking my heart out, my Dr. gave me the ok, the go ahead to get pregnant. We started to really try to get pregnant. I started taking a prenatal and I got back on the glucophage. (I took it when trying to get pregnant with Danger, it helps my hormones because I've got PCOS.)

Well, you might not know this about me, but I'm impatient. It had been so stressful, the wondering, the AM I?! What made it even more stressful was since I stopped taking birth control, my cycles hadn't returned to normal like they usually do within 2 months.... Right, isn't it 2 months? Anyways, it had been stressful because I wasn't ovulating, I wasn't cycling, my body wasn't doing anything!!!

Ok, well, that wasn't entirely true. My body was doing something. I had another appointment with my cardiologist, this time he said if I had any fainting spells, dizzy spells, times when I was walking around my house and I felt tired, like I was dragging 100's of pounds that I should call them. Well, Monday after Mother's Day (what is it with Mother's Day!?!?!?) I got dizzy and I was feeling sluggish all day. So I called the Dr on Tuesday. They sent me a halter monitor on Wednesday, then had me come in for a cardiac MRI. The MRI was so they can "map" out my heart. So they could put the pace maker in the next Monday. Yup, that's right, I got a pace maker at the age of 26.

Well, after a few reprograms and changes to the pacemaker, I think we finally found a setting that works great! So once we got things figured out, our life changed again.

Later in July, we found out we were pregnant! Danger is going to be a big brother and we couldn't be happier.

And even though we don't know when I'm due because we don't have any clue when we conceived. My cycles are so irregular, and I don't ovulate after I get off birth control. So yeah, we have NO clue. It's just going to be a big huge guess, like Danger was. We had no idea his true due date, they measured his femur and said, "Oh, he's um due in November...."

So anyways, we think baby #2 is due sometime in March...

But we are totally stoked!! We are so freaking excited!!

 Player 4 has pressed START and will enter the game in Spring of 2014.

This is how Danger told everyone about his new "big brother" status.

Bring on the pregnancy symptoms!!

Family!!

LOVE THIS! PHOTO DUMP! My mom, brother and sister came out to visit us from Wisconsin. Meg and Scott came out for EFY (a totally AWESOME experience!) and grandma got to hang out with Danger all week! These are pictures are from my iPhone all week.

Danger and uncle Scott hanging out on the stairs! It's just awesome that they were wearing the same color!

Meg and Scott were playing video games. Danger wanted to play, so they handed him a controller that was unplugged.

Danger got stung by a wasp : 3 times! He cried for 5 minutes then decided it was time eat. My tough little man!

Bandit LOVED the attention! Scott played with him!

3 generations! That little monkey guy LOVED having his Grandma around!

We went to the flag raising ceremony at church on the 4th. Danger ate a ton of watermelon!

Danger helped Grandma push the wagon up the hill on the way home.

Just helping!

We went up to the hill by our house to watch fireworks. Danger had a glowstick. Grandma had her Danger!

Grandma was exhausted from chasing Danger all week. Scott was exhausted from chasing Utah girls all week.

I love my family. Walking to church on Sunday.

Danger wouldn't sit still during church, so momma started hiding his animal crackers!

Grandma and Danger snuggling at church.

Grandma wrestling that boy!

Danger LOVED having his grandma to hang out all week. It really was so nice to have my family visiting! Meg and Scott LOVED EFY and I am so excited that they went.